|Hey! I got my check, did you?|
By many accounts, the stimulus package passed by the US Congress in February, 2009, has been an unmitigated dumbass move. Nineteen months after this monstrosity got the Congressional Okie Dokie, unemployment remains above 9.5 per cent, home foreclosures continue unabated and consumer confidence in the economy is almost nonexistent. How, oh, how could Congress frak things up any more than they already have? Just when you thought the answer was “things are FUBAR’ed”, our elected dumbasses come to the “resuce” with something even more stupid! Yes, America, members of our national government have been working overtime to figure out new ways to flush your tax dollars down the old crapper, and, dammit, they are doing a damn fine job of it.
The Federal Dumbasses at the Social Security Administration sent out stimulus checks at $250 a pop to 89,000 DEAD or INCARCERATED people! That’s $22,250,000 – twenty-two million two hundred fifty thousand dollars– to dead people and dumbasses in jail. It appears that the idiots at the SSA did not check their records to eliminate dead people and some inmates from the list of fifty-two million Americans the checks were supposed to go to.
Some of the dead people had not collected benefits in over thirty years and some would be 136 years old had they lived! Here’s what some spokesdumbass from the SSA said, “Inaccurate payments are unacceptable. Social Security’s Recovery Act payments were 99.8 percent accurate, and we quickly collected the majority of the inaccurate payments,” SSA spokesman Mark Lassiter said. Being the inquisitive fellow that I am, I wondered to myself, “what is a “majority” of the inaccurate payments?” 70%? 75%? No! When the spokesdumbass said “majority”, he meant “majority”, as in just over half! According to my math, that leaves somewhere in the neighborhood of eleven million dollars of your money that some dead guy or criminal is spending for God knows what. For some silly reason, I think the dead guys and crooks are more qualified to figure out what to do with eleven mil than our elected dumbasses. Unless the dead guys are from Chicago. Those are the ones I don’t trust.
I am a simple man (cue Lynyrd Skynyrd). I have always been in awe of the things that so many people take for granted. Like the stars. We see them every night of our lives and over time they are kind of “just there” to most people. Not to me though. There’s not a time I go outside at night and not think of the majesty of those seemingly tiny twinkling lights in the nighttime sky. Think about it for a moment. The star light you are looking at has traveled through the vastness of outer space for billions of light years and is just now visible to the human eye. In essence, you are looking back in time.
Another thing that simply amazes me are tomato seeds. I just can’t wrap my mind around the fact that something so tiny can, when put into some dirt, watered and given the requisite amount of sunlight, produce a marvel of Nature like a big fat beefsteak tomato. How the hell does that work like that? I don’t know and I don’t care. All I know is that it does work and I ain’t askin’ questions.
Which brings us to farting.
A Real Gone Gasser
I am sure that it will come as no surprise to you that stories about farting are not new to Dumbass News. It was almost two years ago to the day that I wrote about the nation of Malawi’s proposed law to ban farting under certain circumstances like:“insulting the modesty of a woman,” “disturbing religious assemblies” and “trespassing on burial places”. Pffffffffttttt!
Last summer I told you about a guy who threatened to shoot his neighbor for farting! This post is doubly entertaining as it also has a brief etymology of the word “fart”.
While outlawing gaseous anal emissions and/or shooting another human bean because he broke wind may be a bit on the extreme side, being reprimanded for farting at work is not.
Hostile Work Environment
The U.S. Social Security Administration said it has rescinded a reprimand filed against an employee for creating a “hostile work environment” by passing gas.
The reprimand, which became public when it was posted on TheSmokingGun website, was filed against a worker accused by co-workers of creating a “hostile work environment” by continuously passing gas and releasing an unpleasant odor, The Washington Post reported Friday.
The agency said the reprimand has now been rescinded.
“When senior management became aware of the reprimand it was immediately rescinded,” spokeswoman Dorothy Clark said.
The Social Security Administration did not offer a date for the rescinding action or respond to questions about the status of the employee.
The reprimand was filed by the agency’s Office of Disability Operations and cited 60 occasions when the worker was accused of passing gas — up to nine times per day — in his office over the course of about 12 weeks.
The employee was described by TheSmokingGun as a 38-year-old man working at a Social Security office in Baltimore.
Is nothing sacred anymore?
When an employer can reprimand, or even possibly terminate, you because you exercise your Constitutionally-guaranteed (it falls under the “pursuit of happiness” or something) right to let one rip, then that employer must be held accountable!
Eat more beans!
Do not be silent! (but deadly)
Fart like there’s no tomorrow!