|Many a man has lost his gazebos in this river|
Let’s play Pick the Dumbass! Pick the Dumbass has been voted the Internet’s Most Popular User Participation Game by dumbasses across the globe! The object of Pick the Dumbass is to read the story below, and decide which person in the story is the dumbass. Be careful though, there could be more than one dumbass in the story, but we are looking for the biggest dumbass in it. You also have the option of changing your dumbass pick at any time before I reveal the answer after the story. Ready to play? OK, heeeeeeere we go!
A couple, Judy and Adam, in Pittsburgh, PA recently exchanged their wedding vows while on a water taxi in the Monongahela River. That’s kind of cool, don’t you think? Speaking of cool, cool as in 37 degrees, the young couple then jumped into the 37 degree water of the Monongahela! This ceremony, diving included, was to symbolize taking the plunge together into the future. I’m no Sylvia Browne, so I’m not hip to seeing into the future, but I have a fairly solid grip on “now” and “now” tells me that we are dealing with two dumbasses here. No symbolism necessary. Our DumbassCicles took the dive as part of the Pittsburgh Polar Bear Club’s Annual Freeze Your Gazebos Off Day By Jumping Into 37 Degree River Water Festival. I just hope the groom has Gazebo Insurance because after jumping into 37 degree water, the dude’s gazebos said AMF! (Adios Mother F*cker) I hope his new bride is OK with the thought of not having children, because her Old Man ain’t got a gazebo to call his own. Science tells me no gazebos, no procreation. What a dumbass. Did Mr. and Mrs. Ima Dumbass not even consider, oh, I don’t know, jumping into a hot tub(!) instead of the damn near frozen river? Then again, we are talking about Pittsburgh here. I mean these people root for the Steelers for God’s sake. If willingly getting married, jumping into an almost frozen river and rooting for the Steelers ain’t doublin’ down on the dumbass, I don’t know what is.
That’s our story for the day, ladies and gentlemen, and now it’s time to figure out who’s the biggest dumbass. Could it be Judy, the bride? After all, she did get married, but women like all that married stuf, so Judy isn’t the dumbass of the story, even though she jumped into a freezer of a river. That brings us to Adam, what I said about Judy also applies to Adam. He, too, got married and jumped into the Monongahela risking his gazebos on the way, but he’s not the biggest dumbass in the our tale today. OK, who’s left to be the dumbass then? Me? I agree, I am a dumbass for writing this crap, but I ain’t the biggest dumbass either. That leaves YOU because you read this tripe all the way through. Dumbass. And I say that with love. 🙂