Category: Subway

Snake on the Boston Subway!

Future Belt or Wallet

Boston is by most accounts a great city. It’s home to fenway Park and the Red Sox, the Boston Bruins of the NHL and, of course, the 3-time Super Champs New England Patriots the legendary Boston Celtics. And that is just the sports side of Beantown. Boston is also one of the most historic cities in the country with its connection to the American Revolution. But, as much as I hate to say it, Boston is home to more than their fair share of dumbasses. Dumbasses like Melissa Moorhouse.

Melissa belongs in the realm of dumbasses for at least a couple of reasons – Reason 1) Melissa owns a snake. it’s only three feet long at this point but it is a boa constrictor and could grow to be thirteen feet long! Reason 2) Melissa took this dmn snake with her on the subway! Yes, friends, this dumbass woman took a boa onto the Boston subway with her. What could go wrong? Well, I’ll tell you what could go wrong. The damn snake got away from her! On the subway! Dumbass. There were subway system employees looking high and low for the snake but to no avail. At this point, the transit people had no choice but to take the train out of service. I bet the subway riders of Boston just loved to be a train short in the subway system. All over a dumbass snake, or better yet, a dumbass 30 year old woman taking the frakkin’ snake on the train in the first place. Somebody finally found the stoopid snake and the train was put back in service.

Melissa the Dumbass Snake Owner had these touching words when her snake, Penelope, was returned to her, “I’m overwhelmed. I’m extremely happy to have her back.”Also fro UPI article, She said the snake could hide in tiny spaces and fend for itself. No shit, dumbass!? Oh, there’s more from this Darwin Award candidate. “What I’ve been trying to tell people is that she would survive, she would be in the train whether it was weeks or months,” she said. “I don’t know if they have mice or rats but she is completely capable of eating them.”And she (the snake) is perfectly capable of wrapping her sorry as around somebody’s leg and squeezing the shit out of it. I don’t even want to go into what could happen to a small child. Fucking dumbass.

So this stupid bitch gets her snake back and all is hunky dorry in the Beantown subway system. If I were the Head Subway System Guy in Boston, I would have found some ordinance that would throw this dumbass bimbo in jail or at least fine the hell out of her where the thought of taking that damn snake on the subway would make her go into convulsions or some shit. Next, I would take a machete and separate the snake’s head from the rest of his body, then make a belt or wallet out of her sorry ass. End of story. Dumbass.

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