Category: Supermarket

Dumbass Gets Loaded, Pisses on Chicken in Supermarket!

Yard Bird

Best of Dumbass News

Grocery shoppers in Little Rock BEWARE! There’s a guy who could be in your local Kroger store pissing all over the Pilgrim’s Pride or Tyson chicken! What this dumbass has in mind by pissing on the chicken, I don’t know. But, I am relieved to know that he bypassed the T-bone steaks. If the dude had peed on the T-bones, I would become a vegetarian on the spot. Pissing on the yard bird, not so much. Anyway…

This dumbass went to a Kroger store (Kroger is a large grocery store company – ed.) in Little Rock as decided that he would “marinate” the yard birds with his tinkle. I know you’ll find this difficult to believe, but the dumbass was drunk! The Little Rock police got a call from Kroger’s saying that a man was being “verbally aggressive” with some of the employees. But, before the Law could get there the dumbass peed on over $500 worth of chicken. He also ate a large package of ham. I happen to know that the good people of Little Rock love their hogs, ooooooooooohhhhhhh pig soooooooo-eeeeeeeeeyyyyyyy! A little football lingo there.

So…the dumbass pisses on over $500 worth of chicken, eats a large package of ham and gets verbally aggressive with store employees. Enter the LRPD who quickly subdue the drunk dumbass and prepare to haul his ass to jail. Upon confronting the dumbass suspect, the police made this brilliant observation, “he was reported by officers to have been unsteady on his feet, smelled of alcohol and had bloodshot eyes when they arrived on the scene.” What was their first clue? The cops left out the fact that the dumbass smelled of pig. Our dumbass was “charged with public intoxication, theft of property, and criminal mischief.” Criminal mischief? Does that mean he pissed all over the chicken? I really got nothin’ today, but I do hope that pissing on the yard bird isn’t one of the “special seasonings” in KFC. If it is, the dumbass and I gotta have a loooooooooonnnngggg talk. Not only is he pissing on my chicken, he’s breathing my air.

Dumbass.

Advertisements

Dumbass Stuffs Candlelight Dinner Down His Pants!

Even Dumbasses Love Romance

Doing this blog pretty much everyday can be a bit difficult sometimes. It takes a lot of time, believe it or not, and a lot of brain power to come up with the Pulitzer-quality material you get here on Dumbass News. For example, who else in the world, out of billions of blogs would even dare to bring you a story about a guy who pisses on chicken? Right in the supermarket! Nobody! That’s who! How ’bout the one where the steals some meat from the market and goes to a nearby bar and tries to sell it? To two guys who work for the supermarket where the dumbass stole the meat! Bwahahahahaha! That’s the quality of “journalism” you’ve come to expect from this blog. Now if you dumbasses would hit the “Donate” button in the right sidebar all would be well in Dumbassville.

A Sissy Dumbass 

Not all dumbass thieves are hardened criminals or drunks pissing on yard bird. Some dumbass crooks have a softer side to them. Take, for instance, Dannial Ashley. Please! hahahaha! <—– a little Henny Youngman humor there. It’s easy to tell that Dannial is a sucker for romance simply by looking st his name. His name also proves that he is a dumbass. First, who the hell spells the name “Daniel” like that? No. Damn. Body. And his last name? A dead giveaway. Any male dumbass with the last name “Ashley” is a pussy. It’s a given. The mufugga should change his last name to “Jones” or “Smith” or some shit. “Ashley ain’t cuttin’ the mustard.

At Least He’s the Romantic Type  

Our man Dannial here was looking to have a romantic dinner with his hooker girlfriend celebrating a successful drive-by shooting, so he went to the local grocery store and picked up all the stuff needed for a nice, cozy candlelight dinner with her. The problem is, Dannial neglected to go through the checkout lane!  Nothing says “i love you” like a candlelight dinner consisting of stolen property. It’s gettin’ to the point these days that romantic felon can’t even enjoy a pilfered supper with his hooker girlfriend anymore. what’s up with that shit? It’s probably just as well. Dannial had stuffed his booty next to his booty! And his gazebos! Yes, friends, this dumbass had stuffed the food down his pants in order to make an escape. Now, I don’t know about you, but I have a slight aversion to eating food that has been stuffed in a man’s pants right next to his gazebos. I want smell a perfectly cooked steak that smells like a perfectly cooked steak, not crotch rot. But that’s just me.

No Romance Tonight

Remember up there ^^^^ when I said I knew this moron was a pussy simply by looking at his name? Ladies and gentlemen, and I use those terms loosely, here’s proof: while trying to absconded with his ill-gotten gain, Dannial was chased down by some grocery store employees! What kind of self-respecting felon would ever, I mean ever get busted by guys working for a grocery store? Think about it. Imagine, if you will, the supermarket in your neighborhood. Is one, single employee there that could catch a felon worth his weight in stolen hubcaps in a foot race? I rest my case. Dannial Ashley is a pussy. He gives candlelight dinner thieves all over the world a bad name. Shame on you, Dannial. Shame on you.

Dumbass.

Dumbasses Make Their Mothers Proud

When I posted this on December 31, I was a mad Son of a Truck Driver. I was so mad, upon further review, I am still pissed off. But, I digress.

Read the post and you’ll see hwy I was so furious. Not your normal pissed off where you get a little agitated about something and after a few minutes things return to normal. I am talking PISSED OFF!

Let me splain.

Heather, the girls and I went to the supermarket to pick up a few things. We got what we needed and went back to the car to split the scene. While we were loading the kids and groceries into the car, a lady using a cane as an aid to walk asked at least two men for help because her car wouldn’t start. This lady was about 50 years old and, come to find out she was with her Mother who was 75 if she was a day. The car turned out to be the little old lady’s. But , I digress. Neither of the men the lady with the cane asked for help hurriedly said, “Sorry, I can’t help you.” One of these dumbasses was driving a truck the size of New Jersey and I had a sneaky suspicion that he probably had some jumper cables somewhere inside that behemoth of a pick up. The other dumbass just kept going like nobody had even spoken to him. Fuckers.

Anyway, when the lady with the cane got turned down by the dumbass in the big truck, a look of semi-panic crossed her face. I said , “Ma’am. Let me load my kids up and I’ll be glad to help”. You’d would have thought that the nice lady had won the lottery the smile on her face was so big and the obvious sense of relief that somebody would help her and her Mother get their car started. I hooked up the jumper cables to both cars and BINGO!, their car started. Before they left, the older lady came over and gave me a bear hug. Well, as much a bear hug as a little old lady five foot-nothin’ tall could give someone. You know, that was the best hug I’d had all day.

Now for the two dumbasses and all the dipshits like them, KISS MY ASS! Your Mothers would be ashamed that a son of theirs that would just dismiss an elderly lady’s plea for help as just an inconvenience or what ever in God’s name you were thinking. The next little old lady that needs a jump start may be your Mother or maybe your wife, God forbid. You’d just better hope that a better man than either of you two dumbasses is there to help them out. Come to think of it, your wife wouldn’t be too proud to have married an asshole like you if she knew the way you treated the two ladies at the supermarket who needed help. Have a lousy fucking day you dickweeds. Your Mothers must be so proud. Dumbasses.

Dumbasses Refuse to Help Little Old lady

Lifesavers for Little Old Ladies

I am pissed off. Not your normal pissed off where you get a little agitated about something and after a few minutes things return to normal. I am talking PISSED OFF! Let me splain.

Heather, the girls and I went to the supermarket to pick up a few things. We got what we needed and went back to the car to split the scene. While we were loading the kids and groceries into the car, a lady using a cane as an aid to walk asked at least two men for help because her car wouldn’t start. This lady was about 50 years old and, come to find out she was with her Mother who was 75 if she was a day. The car turned out to be the little old lady’s. But , I digress. Neither of the men the lady with the cane asked for help hurriedly said, “Sorry, I can’t help you.” One of these dumbasses was driving a truck the size of New Jersey and I had a sneaky suspicion that he probably had some jumper cables somewhere inside that behemoth of a pick up. The other dumbass just kept going like nobody had even spoken to him. Fuckers.

Anyway, when the lady with the cane got turned down by the dumbass in the big truck, a look of semi-panic crossed her face. I said , “Ma’am. Let me load my kids up and I’ll be glad to help”. You’d would have thought that the nice lady had won the lottery the smile on her face was so big and the obvious sense of relief that somebody would help her and her Mother get their car started. I hooked up the jumper cables to both cars and BINGO!, their car started. Before they left, the older lady came over and gave me a bear hug. Well, as much a bear hug as a little old lady five foot-nothin’ tall could give someone. You know, that was the best hug I’d had all day.

Now for the two dumbasses and all the dipshits like them, KISS MY ASS! Your Mothers would be ashamed that a son of theirs that would just dismiss an elderly lady’s plea for help as just an inconvenience or what ever in God’s name you were thinking. The next little old lady that needs a jump start may be your Mother or maybe your wife, God forbid. You’d just better hope that a better man than either of you two dumbasses is there to help them out. Come to think of it, your wife wouldn’t be too proud to have married an asshole like you if she knew the way you treated the two ladies at the supermarket who needed help. Have a lousy fucking day you dickweeds. Your Mother must be so proud. Dumbasses.