It was an interesting, yet fairly slow, week at the ole Dumbass News Desk this week. Given that we had a long Labor Day Weekend to contend with, that is to be expected. Why some people would rather spend the last “official” weekend of summer with family and friends, cooking out, watching football and drinking cold beer than reading about important things like Nigerian Cocaine-Stuffed Chicken or 82 year old ladies with a seven decade criminal record is beyond me, but that’s what happened earlier this week. Go figger.
Well, now those Dumbasses have no excuse for not catching up on some really earth-shattering Dumbass news. News that literally (thanks, Joe Biden!) shook the planet to its core with the sheer amount of idiocy, noxious fumes and outright bullshit emanating from it. But enough about the Democrat Convention….let’s get to the fun stuff known as Dumbass News’ The Week That Wuz!
|Photographic Metaphor for “The Week That Wuz”|
The Week That Wuz
I am sure that you are familiar with the old saying that “Nothing good happens after midnight”. I have proven this time-tested bit of wisdom accurate yet again with the story of the couple who was robbed by a group of clowns, literally (thanks again, Joe Biden!). The whole episode started with a 3 AM knock on the door...
After looking at the pictures from Dumbass Family Vacation Photos, getting ripped off at three in the morning by Bozo the Clown and two knife-weilding buddies will seem like a walk in the park. You can get over a robbery, but you can not un-see some of the most disgusting camera work in the history of mankind. But you know you wanna look. Go ahead. I dare you.
I know thousands of members of the Dumbass Horde were relieved to know that the phone sex they’ve been having with
hookers young ladies on those party lines is not prostitution. The Eye-talian Supreme Court says so.
See how much time and money you wasted on family, food and beer? You could have gotten the same cheap thrills for FREE simply by blowing off your Labor Day Shindig and reading about the Dumbass News Week That Wuz.
I’ll forgive you. This time.
There are times when even the greatest country in the history of Mankind, the United States, can look to its overseas brethren for guidance and inspiration.
Granted these time are extremely rare, because the rest of the world is completely off its collective nut (as a whole), and generally has little to offer us in the way of making our lives better. Is that a Snobbish American Dumbass Attitude? Maybe. Is it the truth? Definitely. Sorry, Other Countries of the World.
In one case Italy is our Beacon of Hope. The lighthouse in the distance after weeks in a stormy sea. The shining city at the top of the hill. The…oh, hell, you get the idea.
The Background Story
Some Eye-talian guy named Giancarlo ( a nom de phone john) was charged with the Eye-talian equivalent of solicitation of prostitution not for offering money to a hooker for sexual favors, but for paying a phone sex pro to talk dirty to and, presumably, give a jolly to a business client!
If this is indeed the case, then AOL is, or was, the biggest hooker solicitor in the history of the world. After all, ten of millions of people used to pay AOL for services that eventually led to phone sex, if what I have read is true. AOL executives had to have some idea that this sort of lewd and lascivious behavior was taking place, right? They are (were), by its very definition, procurers of prostitutes!
|Eye-talian Supreme Court|
The Court Ruling
This travesty in the name of Justice was rightly appealed time and again, finally reaching the Eye-talian Supreme Court. The High Court ruled for Giancarlo saying, “Verbally servicing an interlocutor for the purpose of sexual excitement does not constitute a sexual service, if it does not involve the bodily erogenous zones of the person who is getting paid for such a service.” In other words in this case, if the “service provider” does not physically touch the pee pee of the “service seeker”, then it ain’t prostitution.
If such an act were considered an act of prostitution, then what would the act of willingly driving nekkid and duct taped through a major US city for sexual gratification be considered? Organ-ized crime? (“organ”-ized. hahahahaha)
Keep Phone Sex Legal and Safe
The United States of America should and must be at the forefront in the fight to keep phone sex safe and legal. I mean, many Americans are standing up for other things that are considered out of the ordinary to the mainstream of society. Like homos getting “married”. Single people adopting children. Homos adopting children! Homos adopting single people!
If phone sex is criminalized what will be next? Playboy Magazine? Penthouse? National Geographic?
I don’t give a damn about phone sex as long as the participants are consenting adults and no children or small animals are involved in their “conversations”. As I see it, no harm, no foul (generally speaking). I only care about phone sex on the occasional Saturday night when Mrs. Fearless Leader and I play “A T & T”, if you know what I mean and I think you do. I especially enjoy the “Caller I.D.” part of our little game. 🙂 But, I digress.
This is just another example of why Europe is a cess pool of Socialism – the gubmint getting involved in even the tiniest part of our private lives. This also is a prime example of why the US should stay away from the policies of people (see Obama, Barry) that tend to micromanage our very existence.
Let me put it this way, the Eye-talian Gubmint, which the 4 billionth Eye-talian Gubmint since the end of the Big One, WW2, spent countless millions of dollars prosecuting a guy for setting up a phone sex deal for a business client while their economy crumbles like an Oreo in the hands of a fat kid. This makes perfect sense to me. <—That’s molasses-thick sarcasm there, folks.
Now if we could just get Liberals and homos to join the cause of smaller and less intrusive gubmint, then some of the things they actually believe in (both of them!) might come to fruition.
I think we stand a better chance of getting Socialism and all its glorious failure out of Europe.
What was I thinking?