Category: Tattoos

Dumbass Gets "Netflix" Tattoo; Lobotomy Is in His Future

Tattoos. 

They’ve been around since at least 4000 or 5000 years before Christ. Although I’m willing to go out on a limb here and venture a guess that all those millenia ago The Ancients did not go get their body art done by a guy named Monkey Wrench. But I could be wrong about that.

These days some of the tattoos I’ve seen look like they were done by Michaelangelo. They are nothing short of works of art, like the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, except of course they are on some Dumbass’ forearm. Or back. Or something.

I have nothing against tattoos or the Dumbasses that get them, it’s just that tats ain’t my cup of tea. As a matter of fact, I have written a few Dumbass News stories about Dumbasses and their tattoos. In this one, it was a tattoo that led police to arrest a suspect in a murder! I don’t want to spoil the story, so go read it and I’ll wait here for you.

A few minutes later…another Dumbass With a Tattoo story parallels today’s tale. This one features a stunt pulled by a radio DJ. Hilarity ensues.

Branded

Normally, when a guy is the fan of a particular product or service, he’ll buy a gimme cap or T-shirt or some such.

Not this guy.

A Dumbass known only by his Twitter handle, @TheRealMyron, likes the video streaming service Netflix. A lot. How much? This much:

@TheRealMyron’s Actual Tattoo

Netflix was so touched by @TheRealMyron’s devotion to their company that they gave him a FREE year of their service.

@TheRealMyron is a Dumbass. Let me tell you why.

Why @TheRealMyron is Stoopid

  1. I’m guessing here, maybe one of you can put me some knowledge, but a tattoo like the one @TheRealMyron has must cost a couple of hundred dollars.
  2. Netflix costs about $8 a month. @TheRealMyron got twelve months free, right? $8 x 12 Months = $96. That’s about half the price of the tattoo!
  3. $96 worth of free shit for a guy who tattoos your brand on his body? Lifetime “Netflix” Tattoo = Lifetime Free Netflix. Cheap fuckers.
  4. Netflix pretty much sucks.
  5. Since Netflix pretty much sucks, unless they do something extraordinary regarding their programming, they won’t be around in a few years.
  6. Tattoos are FOREVER! Netflix ain’t.
  7. The cost of getting a tattoo removed is prohibitive. Maybe @TheRealMyron can sell his stock in Netflix when it goes the way of a well-digested bean burrito to defray the cost of removing or modifying his Netflix tattoo.
  8. The next tat that @TheRealMyron gets should be something like “DISH”. It’s more compact than “Netflix” and if DISH Network goes belly up, Myron can get “DISH” altered to read something like “RADISH”. Radishes will, sadly, never go away.
  9. Let us hope that @TheRealMyron never becomes a fan of “Josefina’s Taqueria and Meskin Food Emporium”.

Dumbass.

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      Dumbass Loses T-Shirt w/ His Photo On It at Crime Scene!

      Before we get into today’s Dumbass News, I’d like to direct your attention to the “Dumbasses I Read” section located in the left side bar. There you’ll find a mess of blogs that I regularly read. Recently I have added some new sites that I think you’ll find interesting. As opposed to the shit you read here, these blogs are well-written and certainly worth adding to your bookmarks. But first, let me issue you a bit of a caveat – the people who write these blogs often use words with more than one syllable. I know that will be a challenge to you Dumbasses, but a visit to Dictionary.com will be of valuable assistance in helping you understand the nickel words. In some cases, Dictionary.com even has pictures to go with word definitions! Now quit yer bitchin’, read today’s story then hit up a few of the new sites in the blog roll. As a personal favor, I ask you to please click on an advertisement or two on each blog you visit. That means a few cents (literally) in each blogger’s cookie jar.

      Thanks.
      Fearless Leader

      Best of Dumbass News

      Over the course of the lifetime of this blog, we’ve had at least a couple of stories featuring dumbasses with tattoos have had run ins with the law. One dumbass thought he had won a radio station contest and had the station’s logo tattooed on his forehead. About a week ago we had another dumbass who committed a murder then had the facts of the killing tattooed all over his body! Today’s dumbass has taken a similar path to the Dumbass Zone.

      Our Dumbass of the Day and one of his dipshit criminal cohorts broke into a couple’s home and in the process of the burglary, got into a struggle with the homeowner. The dumbass lost his t-shirt in the altercation and he and the dipshit got into their getaway car and split the scene. Enter the Police. Once at the crime scene, the cops found the t-shirt belonging to the dumbass and showed it to the homeowner. Printed on the shirt was…Wait. For. It….a picture of the dumbass! He robbed the home in a shirt with his own photo on it! bwahahahahaha! This guy has lowered the standard for dumbassery to a new low. What a fucking maroon! That’s as stoopid as a lion tamer covered in raw T-bones. Ay ay ay! The dumbass turned himself in to Police a couple of days later.

      This incident sets a terrible example for future dumbasses who feel a life of crime is their calling. Young dumbasses, don’t be discouraged because one of your role models is a dumbass who practically left a business card at the scene of his misdeed. He’s now well on the way to becoming a top notch member of the State Prison Drop the Soap Team. And to think, in just a few years, or a felony or two, that could be you! Now go out there and become a role model to the young generation looking up to you! But don’t commit a crime in a shirt with your own photo plastered on it.

      Dumbasses.

      Prison Bitch Saturday!

      Howdy, Dumbasses!

      Quick note: In the intro of today’s entry I mention the fact that I am sicker than shit. I feel that, as your Fearless Leader, you have a right to know when I feel like I was run over by a Twinkie Truck driven by a Bakers Union member. However, I am not sicker than shit. What you are about to read and lose IQ points over was put together last year. In other words, it’s the …

      Best of Dumbass News

      I am Back in the Saddle! Well, I am back just long enough to hook you up with a Best of Dumbass News post for today. Please allow me to elucidate.

      Today is the first time in three days that I’ve been out of bed and I am leaning heavily towards plopping my happy white ass right back in it. If you’ll recall, I’ve been pissin’ and moanin’ about having The Crud over the last week or two. It has finally caught up to me with the vengeance of 1000 ex-wives with female lawyers with PMS suing for alimony. Simply put, I have been sicker than a cur dawg. I hope to be back to full strength by Monday. Until then, here’s a little something to hold you over for today.

      Prison Bitches

      I hope you enjoy the joy you’ll get by laughing your ass off at the misfortune, suffering and dumbassery of your fellow man. I know it always helps me feel better.  ๐Ÿ™‚

      Dumbasses.

      Another Tattoo, Another Prison Bitch

      A Tattoo is Worth 1000 Words

      Best of Dumbass News

       
      I have never been one for tattoos, on me at least. I have seen some tats that look real good…on other people. I don’t begrudge those who have “body art” on their persons because some times the tattoos lead to a perfect Dumbass News story, like this one. After reading that post, you just had to know that another tattooed dumbass would eventually come down the pike. Lo, it is that time.

      Unlike the dumbass in the link above who got his tattoo to win a radio contest, today’s dumbass, Anthony Garcia, got his ink because he KILLED somebody. What could possibly go wrong with that? I mean other than the fact that he could get arrested at a later time and the “confession” in his tattoo would get him convicted of murder.

      Yahoo! News has the story and from it we get this clip, “Back in 2004, Lloyd had been working as a sergeant at the Pico Rivera station when he was called to the scene of a shooting outside a liquor store, in which 23-year-old John Juarez was gunned down. The murder was never solved.
      But Lloyd quickly realized that the tattoo on Garcia’s chest showed the scene. It wasn’t just the image of the liquor store itself. It was the artistic details: the Christmas lights on the roof; the street lamp in the corner; and the murder victim depicted as a peanut, which is a gang terminology for a rival gang member. And above it all was a banner reading “Rivera Kills”รขโ‚ฌโ€a reference to the Rivera-13 gang.” What. A. Dumbass.

      The cops found and arrested Garcia and threw his dumb ass in the lockup. The cops also placed another “prisoner” in the cell with Garcia. but this “prisoner” was actually an undercover policeman who just happened to be wired so any conversation he had with Garcia could be recorded and used as evidence against him at trial. Being a typical dumbass gangbanger, Garcia started singing like Old Blue Eyes Hisownself, with each syllable being carefully recorded by the heat.

      Long story short, Garcia the Pendejo was tried and convicted of murder because of a fucking tattoo! Well, that and the small matter of murder. So Tony is now a long-term guest of the State and a booty call for many inmates that have “needs”. After all, felons are only human.

      Dumbass.

      Hat tip to Mark the Brother

      Dumbass News Birthday Bash Continues! The Readers’ Most Popular Posts

      The Dumbass News Birthday Bash continues!

      I was going over the blog stats looking for the most popular stories in its two year history so I could re-post them for the Birthday Bash. Of course the older posts are gonna have more views, but the sheer number of views for some of them caught me by surprise.

      When I write something, I fully expect it to get a lot of eyeballs on it. But in the case of the most-read stories, some of the stories themselves garnered way more views than I thought they would. I mean, when I write about strippers (or boobs) that brings out the perverts en masse, as expected. Tattoos are also a very popular subject, pot is too, so it comes a no big shocker that stories about pot, strippers (or boobs) and tattoos rank very high on the Dumbass Reading List. Dumbass Newspaper Headlines do well too. Stories about make up do not. See where I’m comin’ from?

      Therefore, it comes as no surprise that the stories that got the most attention over the last two years involve strippers (or boobs), tattoos, pot and Dumbass Newspaper Headlines

      Here they are:

      • Java Jugs: Have a Coffee and a Lap Dance! – Buy a cup of coffee for twenty bucks and you get a lap dance Free!
      • The Return of Dumbass Newspaper Headlines!This feature is always very well-received by Dumbasses around the world. This early (2nd or 3rd?) edition of Dumbass Newspaper Headlines has been viewed almost 1000 times! Who knew?
      • A Guy Named Gus, His Ducks and Pot – This is the story of a French Guy who innocently feeds his ducks pot. They are very happy ducks. Gus has been read about nearly 1200 times! By stoned Dumbasses.
      • Tattoos Are Forever, Dumbass – I knew this one was gonna be a biggie, but not this big! Viewed nearly 2500 times, this is the tale of a radio station prank and a tattoo that went real wrong.

      Those stories oughtta keep you busy and in stitches for a while. With a combined total of over 5000 views, these are the four most-viewed posts in the two year history of Dumbass News. With good reason. See for yourself.

      Dumbass.

      600 Dumbass Posts & Counting!

      Today Dumbass News has reached a milestone. The post previous to this one with the poll on whether I should start a Dumbass YouTube Channel was the 600th in this blog’s almost two year history! It’s hard for me to believe that I have stuck around this long. What’s even more amazing is that you are still around to read this crap.That says a lot about your character, you know. And it ain’t good. Dumbass.I am sure your mental health professional is not too happy about that. Screw ’em. They are deranged enough to be making a living off dealing with Dumbasses every day, so what does that say about them? 

      Checkmate and pass the Lithium.


      Let’s Celebrate!

      I thought that an occasion as monumental as this one should be properly recognized and feted. So, I went through the blog archives and pulled some of my personal favorite Dumbss News stories from the first 600.

      Here are those posts, in no particular order.

      Picking out favorite Dumbass News stories is a lot like picking out your favorite kid in the family. Each is unique and you love them all equally but in a different way.

      You have 600 of ’em to choose from, so search the archives till dumbassery leaks from your eye ball sockets. You’ll thank me later.

      But, I thank you now. All of you in the 137 countries around the globe who spend your valuable time reading Dumbass News.Your support has been amazing and much appreciated. Just short of 70,000 page views as of today, I am a humbled Fearless Leader.

      Thanks.

      Dumbasses.

      Prison Bitch Saturday!

      Dumbasses of All Stripes Wear These Colors

      I am Back in the Saddle! Well, I am back just long enough to hook you up with a Best of Dumbass News post for today. Please allow me to elucidate.

      Today is the first time in three days that I’ve been out of bed and I am leaning heavily towards plopping my happy white ass right back in it. If you’ll recall, I’ve been pissin’ and moanin’ about having The Crud over the last week or two. It has finally caught up to me with the vengeance of 1000 ex-wives with female lawyers with PMS suing for alimony. Simply put, I have been sicker than a cur dawg. I hope to be back to full strength by Monday. Until then, here’s a little something to hold you over for today.

      I hope you enjoy the joy you’ll get by laughing your ass off at the misfortune, suffering and dumbassery of your fellow man. I know it always helps me feel better.  ๐Ÿ™‚

      Dumbasses.