Category: Teen Mom

"Teen Mom" Dumbass!

Happy Teen Moms Day!

In keeping with the Mothers Day Weekend Theme for Dumbass News, I feel it lies within the purview journalistic integrity to present to you all sides of a given issue. In the case of this weekend, it’s about being a Mom – the Good, Bad and Ugly

However, since I am not a journalist and have absolutely no integrity as a journalist because, well, I am NOT a journalist, nor do I have a moral duty to be fair, I’ll do today what I do every day and bring on the Dumbassery! 

BEST OF DUMBASS NEWS

Hello. My name is Toby and I like Reality TV. There! I said it! I am finally free of living a double life. Yes, friends, I am not who I appear to be. You know me as a New Media Stalwart, a pioneer in the study of dumbassery, a blogging man amongst blogging boys during the day, but at night I, too, am a dumbass. I watch some of the most vile and demeaning shows on TV. And I love it! I can’t help it. When Ron on Lizard Lick Towing goes out to repo some poor dumbass’ car and gets smashed on the head with a Natural Light Ice beer bottle, I can’t help but get a thrill from his misfortune. The Germans have a word for that – schadenfreude – taking pleasure in somebody else’s misfortune. Please save me from this torment!

In the meantime, I have a Reality TV scoop for you today. Jennelle, one of the young ladies who was featured in the MTV Series Teen Mom 2, has found herself in trouble with the law for beating the dog shit out of another young lady. Why would Jennelle do such a thing? A little background first….Jennelle had a real prize of a baby daddy. The dumbass was a coke head, pot smoking, irresponsible loser, but so is Jennelle, except for the coke head part. Without going into great detail, she’s a lousy mother who stole her mom’s credit cards to take Coke Head Boy to New Jersey and ran up an $800 tab. Yes, I said New Jersey. I told you she was a dumhbass. Jennelle is such a fuck up she dumped her kid off on her mom and finally signed over custody to the mom. It’s really a sad story when it comes to the little boy, who is about a year old. BTW, Grandma is a real peach, too, but she takes great care of the baby. Enough background.

Back on point, Jennelle beat the hell out of another young lady for allegedly committing the Cardinal sin of flirting with Jennelle’s boyfriend! That’s worth an ass-kickin’ where I come from. <—that’s sarcasm there. And believe it or not, <—-that’s more sarcasm, TMZ has a video  (WARNING: IT AIN’T PRETTY) of the beatdown. You can tell that Jennelle is still a trashy little hussy by her choice of friends, who in the video cheer her on  her to fight the other girl. While Jennelle is a dumbass little tramp, her friends are the dog shit on the bottom of your hiking boots – the worthless little bastards. See why this is such a smash hit TV show? There’s already a third season on the way! And to think that I watch this shit. Before going any further, let me say that some of the young moms in the show turn out to be great moms with a lot of support from their families and friends, so it’s not all bad. But, it’s like the car wreck on the freeway, you’ll rubberneck to see that sucker like it was the Second Coming. It’s the Dumbass Gene in all of us. It’s just that Jennelle was blessed with a Double Dose of the Dumbass Gene. Here’s to hoping that she gets all her ducks in a row.

Dumbass.

UPDATE: One of Jenelle’s “friends” who was at the altercation, says that Jenelle was PAID after she and her pond scum “friends” sold the video for $45,000. More info can be found here. If true, further proof that Jennelle is a worthless waste of skin. For now, I’ll refrain from being more “colorful” in calling her exactly what she appears to be.

UPDATE 2 : Selling price of video corrected to $45,000 not $5000 as previously stated. Sorry about that.

UPDATE 3 (May 12, 2012):  Jennelle is still a Dumbass. The last thuing I heard about her is that she was in rehab somewhere in Cal-ee-forn-ya, but that was a few months ago. Her Mother, to be commended while trying desparately trying to do the right thing for her Grandson, is still a squeaky-voiced, abnoxious Yankee Bitch.

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Dumbass Orders from Mom

Now in Three Pieces

Tomorrow night is Christmas Eve, as you have been reminded no less than 16 gazillion reptilian million times. I have heard the word “Christmas” so many times this week that I am growing mistletoe out of my ears.

Reprimanded by Mom 

A few weeks ago, I got an email from my Mom asking me to cut back on the cussin’. A couple of hours ago, I received the dreaded second email from Mom“asking” me to watch my potty mouth. A second email is the sure sign of me getting my ass kicked by a 5 foot nothin’, 73 year old little old lady. Even in my advancing years, I can still see the yard stick she broke three times on my tiny hiney when I was about 11 years old. When she broke it the first time, it was pretty funny but I kept a proper face for getting your ass beat. The second time it broke in half, not so much. The third time, I was laughing so hard I almost pissed myself, she was furious as hell with look of Satan in her eyes, standing there in the driveway holding about 10 inches of what was a 3 foot yard stick just moments earlier. She never spanked me again.

The Story Was Told for a Reason

Actually there are several reason for telling that story. If I can remember all of them I’ll fill you in.

  •  1). She is my Mom When she says something, I’d better listen good. I do. 
  • 2) She is my Mom (Part 2) – She can still kick my ass.
  • 3) Mom is NEVER wrong –  I wouldn’t tell my Mother that she is wrong even if she called a Bengal tiger a butterfly. I’d just say, “Yes, ma’am” and leave it be.

Still Cussin’

Don’t worry fellow Dumbasses, I will continue to use my usual vocabulary while writing my always prize worthy posts, just not as much, asswipes. It’s for Mom. She reads this blog ya know. And now she owns a metal yard stick.

Dumbasses.

And then There Are Dumbass Moms…

Hello. My name is Toby and I like Reality TV. There! I said it! I am finally free of living a double life. Yes, friends, I am not who I appear to be. You know me as a New Media Stalwart, a pioneer in the study of dumbassery, a blogging man amongst blogging boys during the day, but at night I, too, am a dumbass. I watch some of the most vile and demeaning shows on TV. And I love it! I can’t help it. When Ron on Lizard Lick Towing goes out to repo some poor dumbass’ car and gets smashed on the head with a Natural Light Ice beer bottle, I can’t help but get a thrill from his misfortune. The Germans have a word for that – schadenfreude – taking pleasure in somebody else’s misfortune. Please save me from this torment!

In the meantime, I have a Reality TV scoop for you today. Jennelle, one of the young ladies who was featured in the MTV Series Teen Mom 2, has found herself in trouble with the law for beating the dog shit out of another young lady. Why would Jennelle do such a thing? A little background first….Jennelle had a real prize of a baby daddy. The dumbass was a coke head, pot smoking, irresponsible loser, but so is Jennelle, except for the coke head part. Without going into great detail, she’s a lousy mother who stole her mom’s credit cards to take Coke Head Boy to New Jersey and ran up an $800 tab. Yes, I said New Jersey. I told you she was a dumhbass. Jennelle is such a fuck up she dumped her kid off on her mom and finally signed over custody to the mom. It’s really a sad story when it comes to the little boy, who is about a year old. BTW, Grandma is a real peach, too, but she takes great care of the baby. Enough background.

Back on point, Jennelle beat the hell out of another young lady for allegedly committing the Cardinal sin of flirting with Jennelle’s boyfriend! That’s worth an ass-kickin’ where I come from. <—that’s sarcasm there. And believe it or not, <—-that’s more sarcasm, TMZ has a video  (WARNING: IT AIN’T PRETTY) of the beatdown. You can tell that Jennelle is still a trashy little hussy by her choice of friends, who in the video cheer her on  her to fight the other girl. While Jennelle is a dumbass little tramp, her friends are the dog shit on the bottom of your hiking boots – the worthless little bastards. See why this is such a smash hit TV show? There’s already a third season on the way! And to think that I watch this shit. Before going any further, let me say that some of the young moms in the show turn out to be great moms with a lot of support from their families and friends, so it’s not all bad. But, it’s like the car wreck on the freeway, you’ll rubberneck to see that sucker like it was the Second Coming. It’s the Dumbass Gene in all of us. It’s just that Jennelle was blessed with a Double Dose of the Dumbass Gene. Here’s to hoping that she gets all her ducks in a row. Dumbass.

UPDATE: One of Jenelle’s “friends” who was at the altercation, says that Jenelle was PAID after she and her pond scum “friends” sold the video for $45,000. More info can be found here. If true, further proof that Jennelle is a worthless waste of skin. For now, I’ll refrain from being more “colorful” in calling her exactly what she appears to be.

UPDATE 2 : Selling price of video corrected to $45,000 not $5000 as previously stated. Sorry about that.


Dumbass "Teen Mom" Star Gives Girl a Beatdown UPDATE: Was Jennelle Paid for the Fight? UPDATED AGAIN

Hello. My name is Toby and I like Reality TV. There! I said it! I am finally free of living a double life. Yes, friends, I am not who I appear to be. You know me as a New Media Stalwart, a pioneer in the study of dumbassery, a blogging man amongst blogging boys during the day, but at night I, too, am a dumbass. I watch some of the most vile and demeaning shows on TV. And I love it! I can’t help it. When Ron on Lizard Lick Towing goes out to repo some poor dumbass’ car and gets smashed on the head with a Natural Light Ice beer bottle, I can’t help but get a thrill from his misfortune. The Germans have a word for that – schadenfreude – taking pleasure in somebody else’s misfortune. Please save me from this torment!

In the meantime, I have a Reality TV scoop for you today. Jennelle, one of the young ladies who was featured in the MTV Series Teen Mom 2, has found herself in trouble with the law for beating the dog shit out of another young lady. Why would Jennelle do such a thing? A little background first….Jennelle had a real prize of a baby daddy. The dumbass was a coke head, pot smoking, irresponsible loser, but so is Jennelle, except for the coke head part. Without going into great detail, she’s a lousy mother who stole her mom’s credit cards to take Coke Head Boy to New Jersey and ran up an $800 tab. Yes, I said New Jersey. I told you she was a dumhbass. Jennelle is such a fuck up she dumped her kid off on her mom and finally signed over custody to the mom. It’s really a sad story when it comes to the little boy, who is about a year old. BTW, Grandma is a real peach, too, but she takes great care of the baby. Enough background.

Back on point, Jennelle beat the hell out of another young lady for allegedly committing the Cardinal sin of flirting with Jennelle’s boyfriend! That’s worth an ass-kickin’ where I come from. <—that’s sarcasm there. And believe it or not, <—-that’s more sarcasm, TMZ has a video  (WARNING: IT AIN’T PRETTY) of the beatdown. You can tell that Jennelle is still a trashy little hussy by her choice of friends, who in the video cheer her on  her to fight the other girl. While Jennelle is a dumbass little tramp, her friends are the dog shit on the bottom of your hiking boots – the worthless little bastards. See why this is such a smash hit TV show? There’s already a third season on the way! And to think that I watch this shit. Before going any further, let me say that some of the young moms in the show turn out to be great moms with a lot of support from their families and friends, so it’s not all bad. But, it’s like the car wreck on the freeway, you’ll rubberneck to see that sucker like it was the Second Coming. It’s the Dumbass Gene in all of us. It’s just that Jennelle was blessed with a Double Dose of the Dumbass Gene. Here’s to hoping that she gets all her ducks in a row. Dumbass.

UPDATE: One of Jenelle’s “friends” who was at the altercation, says that Jenelle was PAID after she and her pond scum “friends” sold the video for $45,000. More info can be found here. If true, further proof that Jennelle is a worthless waste of skin. For now, I’ll refrain from being more “colorful” in calling her exactly what she appears to be.

UPDATE 2 : Selling price of video corrected to $45,000 not $5000 as previously stated. Sorry about that.