Best of Dumbass News
Sammy Hagar has been in the Cabo Wabo one time too much. The venerable Red Rocker has officially landed on the Planet of the Misfit Dumbasses.
Let me splain.
In a recent interview with MTV about his new book, Red. My Uncensored Life in Rock, Hagar tells of how he was once wait. for. it. abducted by aliens! Seriously.Tequila will do that shit to you. When asked by the MTV interviewer if he’d ever been abducted by extra terrestrials, Hagar replied, I think I have. … Remember the story in the book, where I have a dream about being contacted by aliens in the foothills above Fontana?
Yeah, yeah, I’ve got the page right here. “I saw a ship and two creatures inside of this ship… And they were connected to me, tapped into my mind through some kind of mysterious wireless connection.” You’re telling me that wasn’t a dream?
That’s right. It was real. [Aliens] were plugged into me. It was a download situation. This was long before computers or any kind of wireless. There weren’t even wireless telephones. Looking back now, it was like, “F—, they downloaded something into me!” Or they uploaded something from my brain, like an experiment. ‘See what this guy knows.’
Sammy, the only thing that’s been “downloaded” is that rotgut you call tequila. Well, that and maybe some heavy duty pharmaceuticals. It appears that Hagar isn’t the only one stoned out of his noggin. Some people believe that Hagar’s hit Why Can’t This Be Love?” is an ode to alien love. I can see right now people all over the world who read this blog heading over to YouTube to find that song. As for me, I’ll never listen to it the same way again, that is if I ever listen to it again. Alien love indeed. Dipshits.
Don’t get me wrong. I like Sammy Hagar as a musician, but you gotta admit, the fucker is an order of fries short of a Happy Meal. I guess his Cabo has been Wabo’ed one too many times.
Drop Kick Me Jesus
Finger On the Button (lyrics)
by Bobby Bare
Have a Lovely Day.