Category: Testicles

Guy Has Testicular Cancer Surgery; Doctors Remove Wrong Gazebo!

Tragedy and comedy.

Today’s story has plenty of both.

Here’s the deal.

The Deal

A guy over in London has testicular cancer. The best way to treat this malady is with surgery. So The Guy goes in to have his cancerous gazebo removed. The procedure goes well.

Except for one minor detail.

The surgeon removed the wrong gazebo!

There are probably a million gazebo (testicle) jokes I could insert here, but I ain’t goin’ down that road. I am a Guy and over the last 56 years I have grown quite fond of my gazebos, both of them, and wish them no ill will. We are a package deal. See what I did there?

Thumbnail Version

A middle-aged businessman is suing a hospital trust after a surgeon removed the wrong testicle by mistake.

The man has been told that he can no longer father a child as the testicle that should have been removed is believed to be cancerous.

The 48-year-old man who lives with his new partner in Wiltshire had the operation at the Salisbury District Hospital last year.

He claims that, 40 minutes into the operation, the surgeon realised his mistake and had the healthy testicle placed “on ice” while a plastic surgeon was summoned. Although the testicle was successfully reattached…etc, etc, etc.

A Couple of Things  

Besides the obvious “woopsy daisy we cut off the wrong gazebo” stuff, there are a couple of things in this story that stand out to me. 

  1. The story says that The Guy can no longer father a child. Then it goes on to say that he lives with his new “partner”. To me, “lives with his new partner” screams that The Guy is a homo. Unless there’s some kind of new medical technology that bypasses females in the making baby bidness, being a homo precludes one from procreating with one’s partner. I know about in vitro and all that shit, but the way the story is written it sounds like The Guy is gonna go all Rump Ranger with his boyfriend and miraculously impregnate him. Ain’t gonna happen.
  2. Another thing that caught my eye was the fact that a little over a half hour into the surgery the doctors, after having put it “on ice”, reattached the healthy testicle after calling a plastic surgeon. What man, even a homo, would want to have a non-functioning gazebo reattached if it ain’t gonna work properly? Cosmetic reasons? You might as well implant a pair of golf balls into the nut sack at this point. The results would be the same, but at least The Guy would have a matching set of gazebos.
  3. Sue the fucking Gazebo Doctor and the hospital into oblivion. (which The Guy did)
  4. How’s that nationalized health care working over there, you bunch of Socialist Limeys?
  5. Obamacare – be afraid. Very afraid.
  6. Especially if you have gazebo problems.
  7. Lance Armstrong.

Dumbasses. 
 

A British man is suing a hospital after surgeons removed the wrong testicle during cancer surgery.
The U.K. Metro reports doctors realized the mistake about 40 minutes after the initial surgery and tried to correct the mistake in an emergency procedure to no avail.
“The matter is in the hands of my solicitor,” the unnamed man said. “She is about to issue proceedings now.”
– See more at: http://washington.cbslocal.com/2013/02/26/man-sues-hospital-after-wrong-testicle-removed-during-cancer-surgery/#sthash.OBsdmcui.dpuf
A British man is suing a hospital after surgeons removed the wrong testicle during cancer surgery.
The U.K. Metro reports doctors realized the mistake about 40 minutes after the initial surgery and tried to correct the mistake in an emergency procedure to no avail.
“The matter is in the hands of my solicitor,” the unnamed man said. “She is about to issue proceedings now.”
– See more at: http://washington.cbslocal.com/2013/02/26/man-sues-hospital-after-wrong-testicle-removed-during-cancer-surgery/#sthash.OBsdmcui.dpuf
A British man is suing a hospital after surgeons removed the wrong testicle during cancer surgery.
The U.K. Metro reports doctors realized the mistake about 40 minutes after the initial surgery and tried to correct the mistake in an emergency procedure to no avail.
“The matter is in the hands of my solicitor,” the unnamed man said. “She is about to issue proceedings now.”
– See more at: http://washington.cbslocal.com/2013/02/26/man-sues-hospital-after-wrong-testicle-removed-during-cancer-surgery/#sthash.OBsdmcui.dpuf
A British man is suing a hospital after surgeons removed the wrong testicle during cancer surgery.
The U.K. Metro reports doctors realized the mistake about 40 minutes after the initial surgery and tried to correct the mistake in an emergency procedure to no avail.
“The matter is in the hands of my solicitor,” the unnamed man said. “She is about to issue proceedings now.”
– See more at: http://washington.cbslocal.com/2013/02/26/man-sues-hospital-after-wrong-testicle-removed-during-cancer-surgery/#sthash.OBsdmcui.dpuf
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Testicle Death Grip

Best of Dumbass News

Oh, boy! This is a good one. Warning for Men: If your stomach turns or you experience extreme pain from mental images of gazebos being squished like rotten tomatoes, read no further!

Singing Soprano

Gazebo Death Grip Device

This man and woman down in the F-L-A had decided to get a divorce, which in and of itself is not a pleasant experience. Trust me one this one. The guy thought it would be a good idea if he hid a ring he had given his wife. So he did. The soon-to-be ex-wife took exception to his actions. And by “took exception” I mean she put the Death Squeeze on his left gazebo. You guys breathe in, breathe out, this is only a story. Ladies, wipe the damned smile off your faces now. Sadistic broads. Or ex-wives. But I repeat myself.

The woman also pulled a knife on the man and his left gazebo, threatening to kill him and use his gazebo as a foosball in a gay bar. This chick means business. If I were in this position, I’d be drawing the bitch a detailed map to the fucking ring. did I mention that this ring is worth 15 large? For you non-criminal types, as if there’s some non-criminal types who read this blog (Ha!), that’s $15,000. Here’s another thing about this deal. If one of my gazebos is literally in hand of a Psycho Bitch from the Depths of Hades, I am thinking, and thinking very quickly mind you, I’m asking myself, “Ring or gazebo? Ring or gazebo?”

The Gazebo Has Been Set Free

I have no idea how, but the guy managed to talk the Psycho Bitch from the Depths of Hades into letting go of his gazebos. This whole pitiful ordeal took about two minutes to take place, but I can assure you that it seemed like two weeks to the gazebo grabee.

The cops finally arrived and arrested the woman for assault with a deadly weapon and abuse of a gazebo with intent to lower the sperm count. A police spokesman specializing in crimes against gazebos, then told the press that the woman had taken unauthorized pictures of a gazebo with red marks and bruises evident in the photo. That’s just wrong.

When last heard from, the man was doing a Tribute to Michael Jackson, The Early Years tour around the country and the woman was in a gazebo abuse rehab group. Can you imagine the start of on of these meetings? Hi, I’m (insert Psycho Bitch from the Depths of Hades’ name here) and I am a gazebo-a-holic.

I guess the old adage is true…a gazebo in the hand is worth two in the bush.

Dumbass.