It’s refreshing to know that the spirit of competition is alive and well in Upper Darby, Pennsylvania. Well, it’s not exactly the spirit of competition, it’s more like the spirit of sabotage. But, you can see how I could mistake one for the other. Speaking of sabotage…
This dumbass guy named Nik is a pizza joint owner and he had a great marketing idea that would crush the competition. Nik’s idea involved live mice and this other pizza restaurant down the street. You can see where I am going with this. Here’s a bit of the story from UPI, “Nik came into Verona Pizza while two officers were dining Monday and asked to use the restroom. The owner of the restaurant soon found footprints on a toilet seat and the officers looked inside the ceiling and discovered a bag containing several live mice.” the cops had enough evidence to nail Nik, so they did. one of Upper Darby’s Finest shared this with us, “We have never had anything like this, where mice have been used as an instrument of crime,” the Philadelphia Inquirer quoted the cop spokesguy as saying. “This is food terrorism by mice,” he said. What a dumbass. I don’t if I mean Nik is the dumbass or the cop spokesfuzz dude. But, I digress.
As if we didn’t have enough trouble already, now we got to worry about some guy named Adbul carrying a load of suicide mice in his back pack or briefcase. At the point I have a question. How on Earth can the bad guys get those little bitty suicide bomb belts on the mice? Could somebody help a bruthah out on this? Inquiring dumbasses want to know. Let’s see, where were we? Oh, yeah. Nik the dumbass was busted for putting a bag full of live mice in the ceiling of his pizza joint competitor down the street. One of the charges Nik faces is “This is food terrorism by mice”.
So, once again some dumbass American invents a new way to become a bigger dumbass. If it wasn’t so damn funny, it would be pitiful. But, hey, we prey on the pitiful here at Dumbass News, so the more dumbasses, the better for us. Bring us your downtrodden, your poor, your hungry, your dumbasses and we’ll be more than happy to berate and belittle them like the scuz they are. Having been downtrodden, poor, hungry and a dumbass at one point or another in my life, I have earned the right to make fun of anybody, anywhere except my Mama. So show me a list of rich ambulance-chasin’ Attorneys at Law, I’ll make fun of those bastards, too. I am an equal opportunity insulter. That’s the second time I have digressed in this one post. I gotta watch out for that. And mice. I gotta watch out for mice.