I have written a variety of posts about it. Although these stories all have Death in common, they vary in how Death is dealt with in each.For example, one of these tales is about a dead guy whose body was rejected by Science because he was too fat. One story concerns a woman who is very much alive despite the fact that her bank says otherwise. A few posts reveal the weird ways that some Dumbasses met their Maker – one guy died smack dab in the middle of cheating on his wife during a threesome! Another keeled over while in the middle of “gettin’ some” when she was accidentally shot to death by her husband! Yet another Dumbass was setting up a Bigfoot hoax on the side of a highway when he was splattered by an oncoming car.
As strange, and tragic, as all these deaths are, I have come across one that may be even weirder than any of them.
Chattanooga Choo Choo
A teacher in Sacramento, Cal-ee-forn-ya was on an outing taking some photos when she happened upon some train tracks. On these tracks, an oncoming train presented a great opportunity to get a once-in-a-lifetime photograph! And when I say once-in-a-lifetime, I mean once-in-a-lifetime!
- Did she hear the train approaching her from the back?
- What was she thinking?
- Was she thinking like one of those drivers who try to zoom through the railroad crossing, red lights flashing, bells ding donging with wooden gates blocking the way to the other side of the crossing? “I can beat that fucking train! I know I can!” <—-Famous last words of a guy driving a Volkwagen flattened by a four bazillion ton locomotive doing 60 miles per hour while trying to outrun the train through the RR Crossing.
- Seriously. What the fuck?
- It boggles the mind.
I must be gettin’ pussified in my Old Age.
The sheer volume of dumbass things the human race is capable of doing is kind of like a number line in math class; there is no end. Ad infinitum, into infinity it goes. 2011 is only twenty-four days old and already we’ve got probably a dozen candidates for Dumbass of the Year. It never ceases to amaze me and it makes for an endless supply of material for this blog. Thanks, dumbasses!
For the sheer danger quotient of the video you’ll see in a minute, it’s an incredible sight to see. That same risk factor, however, proves that the young man in the clip is an honest to goodness dumbass. No questions asked. End of story.
This guy is certifiable. He did this for a thrill? For attention? What else could it be for? He lost a bet to his buddy? I am seriously at a loss. I guess the thing that worries me most about this stunt is that the dumbass survived! His survival virtually ensures that this shit for brains will some day procreate! This must not be allowed to happen! His progeny in the gene pool also ensures an endless supply of dumbasses for generations to come. On the bright side, I know of a way that we can prevent this man from ever making a single baby! Yes, friends, not only am I the Head Dumbass here, I am the resident Fearless Leader. That’s why I make the big bucks. Anyway, the solution to this man ever making a baby with a woman, or a test tube for that matter, is right in front of our faces. It’s so simple, it’s pure genius. Get one of this guy’s friends to go with him when he wants to do this stunt again and have the dumbass lay across the train tracks! Train roars by. Dumbass cut into three or more pieces. No little dumbasses running around! Is that brilliant or what? I amaze even myself sometimes.
I urge you not to try this at home, unless you are a dumbass who plans on having children. Then, by all means, give it a whirl. But remember, the trick is to lay across the tracks. Any dumbass can let the train pass right over them without risk of injury. You non-dumbasses will thank me later.