It’s Friday! To be more precise, it’s Friday the 13th! I know many of you Dumbasses personally so it doesn’t surprise me that several of you suffer from “paraskevidekatriaphobia”. That’s a medical term that means “I am a Dumbass Who Believes in Illogical Stoopidstitions That Have No Foundation in Science or Reality, But I am a Dumbass So Science and Reality Mean Absolutely Nothing to Me”. I know a few of you that are afraid of work! And clowns. BTW, the fear of clowns is “coulrophobia”. Fear of the number “13” is known as “triskadekaphobia”. I ain’t really scared of much except heights (I hate heights! I’d be really neurotic if I was 6’6″), so Friday the 13th is just another day to me. But I digress.
Origins of Paraskevidekaphobia
While looking for
ways to steal shit from another blog information for this story, I used my Super Dumbass Google Fu Powers and came across a site that had some pretty good stuff about Friday the 13th, so I’ll pilfer use some of his info to enlighten us all.
According to the aforementioned site, guy-sports.com (sports? This guy has a slight misconception about sports, unless torture and execution were the NFL of that era), the Knights Templar contributed heavily to the fear of Friday the 13th. He writes, “The Knights Templar were immensely powerful in the middle ages. In fact they were probably had more military and financial might than many European countries, yet on a Friday 13th in October 1307 they met their downfall. The Knights Templar Grand Master Jaques de Molay, together with 50 of his senior knights were tricked into a meeting and captured by King Philip IV of France. On that Friday 13th thousands of Templars were arrested and tortured. When they confessed to various trumped up charges they were executed. Since that day, Templars regarded Friday the 13th not only unlucky but evil.” Well, hell, that settles that. Side Note: The Knights Templar were tricked and captured by the Fwench? Oh, wait. I forgot that the Fwench actually had balls back then. Carry on.
Other Friday the 13th B.S.
plagiarism research reveals several cool facts about this most stoopidstitious of days. The Cape Cod Times has the lowdown, including these little gems that are copied and pasted:
- Triskaidekaphobes are in for a rough year. Tris (greek for three), deka (greek for 10) and phobe (an individual affected by a certain fear) adds up, according to Urban Dictionary, to people who fear the number 13 or any situation that involves anything in a sequence of 13. Friday is often considered an unlucky day, inspiring advice such as “Never begin sewing a garment on a Friday unless you can finish it the same day.” This year, there are three Fridays falling on the 13th. Last year and in 2010, there was only one. But 2009 had three. Note: The other two months with a Friday the 13th this year are April and July. More on this note: The month of July was named for Julius Caesar who just happened to be murdered, like the Knights Templar. Except he wasn’t killed by a bunch of pussies from Fwance. That’s why Caesar got his own month and the Templars got jack shit. Anybody tricked and killed by the Fwench deserve nothing short of ridicule and derision. And I am a Knights Templar kind of guy. No more. Dammit.
- Any month that starts on a Sunday will have a Friday the 13th. Do the math. Another note: Since the NFL is played on Sundays including months that begin on a Sunday, is there a connection between the Friday the 13th thing and why so few NFL players wear the number 13? Just askin’.
The Times has eleven more amazing facts about Friday the 13th that will scare the snot out of even the most ardent of skeptics.
I was a non-believer with regard to paraskevidekatriaphobia, but now I am not so sure. If a bunch of bad ass looters, plunderers and killing machines like the Knights Templar can be brought down by the Fwench, I think I am going to have to re-evaluate my position on this matter.
Excuse me while I consult my psychic. And my tarot cards. And grab my lucky rabbit’s foot. And…….
Dumbass. To the 13th Degree.