The Big Apple has a big TV problem. Big to the tune of a 6000 square foot digital TV on top of the Port Authority building, 8th Avenue and West 42nd Street. Residents of the neighborhood are, shall we say, a little miffed. No we shall not say “a little miffed”, we shall say highly pissed off. Let me splain.
The problem with this 6000 square foot behemoth is that it is turned on….24 hours a day, 7 days a week playing ADS for various businesses. During the nighttime hours, this thing must cast a helluva light around the area. According to the people who live near the giant TV say it keeps them up at night because of the pulsating lights emitted by the BFT (Big Fuckin’ TV). You know how it is when a regular TV is on in a dark room of your house? The flashing and blinking as the shows and commercials change scenes and all that? It’s almost as if a cop car is Code 3 right in your living room, lights and siren ablazin’. And that’s from what, a 40 incher? Just think what 6000 square feet of LCD would do. It must look like the Apocalypse or some shit.
What Residents Say
One funky old dude offers us this: “It’s flashing, flashing, flashing all the time, like lightning or having the paparazzi chasing you in your living room,” said Wilmer Hernandez, 74, a 40-year resident of the neighborhood. My cats don’t know what’s happening. They’re jumping around and looking all over the place trying to figure out where the light’s coming from. It’s funny, but it’s not funny.” Oh, yeah, fucking hilarious. If you want teh funnay, Wilmer, get your cats loaded just about dusk, then sit back, grab a cold beer and enjoy the entertainment. You’ll be amazed at what a feline on catnip will do. Imagine Bobcat Goldwaithe on acid. Get the picture? It’s hours of fun and except for the cost of the catnip, it’s FREE, too!
The Other Rest of the Story
In all fairness, the Port Authority does dim the BFT by 40% at night as to not cause too much commotion. But, there is one small problem with that plan. It’s a 6000 fucking square foot TV, you axlerods! What the hell are you dumbasses thinking? Good old Wilmer the Funky Old Dude and his cats, not to mention other residents in the area, are losing sleep, dealing with the flashing of the BFT’s screen and their animals are going ape shit. Can’t some sort of compromise be reached? Speaking of compromises, I just happen to have the foundation for one. It should appease the PA and the folks who live near the BFT. Why not turn the BFT off at 11pm or midnight and crank that bitch back up at, say, 6am. That way people can get some shut eye and the Port Authority could still flash their annoying ads. See how easy that was? I’m a Dumbass and came up with that. Couldn’t you assholes at the PA have done something like that a long time ago? No! Because you are uncaring bastards who don’t give a shit about people! Especially good ole Wilmer
I know this is New York City we’re talking about here, but what dipshit in his right mind is gonna see an ad for Peter Pan Bus Lines (an actual client of the BFT) at 2am and say, “Ya know, Honey, I was just thinking how much we need to get away from the Rat Race and the noise and pollution of the City. So, first thing at the crack of noon tomorrow, I’m gonna call Peter Pan Bus Lines can do for us!” It ain’t happenin’.
My suggestion to the Port Authority is to come up with a plan like I outlined above or face the wrath of Wilmer, his cats and other pissed off Yankees. This is not a good thing. Also, it would be a terrible thing if Wilmer or one of his neighbors bought a 12 gauge shotgun and it were to “accidently” discharge eighteen or twenty times while aimed, unintentionally, at the BFT. But that would never happen, <snort> this is NYC, the city that never sleeps. Especially when there’s a 6000 square foot TV playing at all hours.
|Tina, is that you?|
Today’s dumbass story comes to us from a place where you can locate thousands of dumbsses at any given moment twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. No, I don’t mean California. Or the White House. I mean Sin City. The city that never sleeps, Las Vegas, Nevada. You’ll be surprised to learn that I am not talking about gamblers, casinos or hookers either.
Let me splain. Today’s featured dumbass is a young, pretty, seemingly bright young lady with big, uh, big, uh, er, big “blue eyes”, if you know what I mean and I think you do. Anyway the young lady with the big jugs, I mean “blue eyes”, was stopped on suspicion of drunk driving which is a big no no if indeed you are driving drunk. Well, “Blue Eyes” was found to be driving drunk after she failed field sobriety tests, so off to jail she went. When she got to jail, a crew from Tru TV was there also, filming for the series, Inside American Jail.
Once she got to the jail she was booked and sent to the seating area to park her hiney. At this point, it’s a little bit futile for me to describe what happened, rather I’ll post a link to this video and you can see for yourself. I’ll be here when you get back. After watching the video
at least 30 times once, I can offer my opinion. And since that’s the only one that matters around here, I’ll do just that. It appears to me that maybe Tina (the blonde with the big “blue eyes”) is a bit buzzed but not commode-huggin’ drunk. She’s former stripper so attempting to show the cops and the people in custody her assets is hardly out of character. I say that as a former professional drinker and strip club patron, it is my considered opinion that Tina knew exactly what she was doing.
I wanted you to see that video so you could see what happened then (Feb,2009) and what Tina is claiming today. Tina is claiming that she was too blasted to remember signing a release form so the segment with her in it could be aired on Tru TV. More the from the linked article, “Late last month, Vlijter (Tina) sued Langley Productions and TruTV parent company Turner Broadcasting System, for at least $30,000 in compensation and unspecified damages for misrepresenting Vlijter and using the footage without a properly obtained consent. Vlijter said she was so drunk when arrested she doesn’t recall signing a waiver, and her attorney said Langley has ignored repeated requests to produce whatever consent form it might have”. If you read the whole article previously linked, she remembers everything but signing a waiver.
Two things: 1) Tina just filed this suit in November, 2010 and the show aired at least a year before then.Was she so drunk for at least the last year that she forgot she was on the show? 2) This reason has a few sub-reasons so bear with me. Sub-reason 1) I bet a dollar to a donut that Tina has made a considerable sum of money (more than the 30G’s she’s suing for) as a result of her being on Inside American Jail. For a little while she had the most famous set of knockers in Vegas.I’m sure she has on more than one occasion played “Arrest Me Mr. Policeman” at bachelor parties or whatever. Sub-reason 2) She was watching late night TV when she saw a commercial for Dewey, Cheatam and Howe, Attys. at Law, We don’t get paid unless you get paid. She was on the phone to those guys quick as hiccup. Sub-reason 3) Tina is looking for more horny guys to play “Arrest Me Mr. Policeman” with while her boobs can still stand up to scrutiny, if you know what I mean again and I think you do. Sub-reason 4) Tina and her lawyer believe that Tru TV will settle out of court instead of dragging the whole damn thing out and she and the lawyer will each snag a lot more than 30 Large.
At that point, Tina can go on showing off her famous tits and get while the gettin’s good and the attorney can crawl back under the rock from whence he came. Dumbasses.