Category: UFO

Abducted by a UFO? Hagar Cabo’ed When He Should Have Wabo’ed

Likkered Up

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Sammy Hagar has been in the Cabo Wabo one time too much. The venerable Red Rocker has officially landed on the Planet of the Misfit Dumbasses.

Let me splain.

In a recent interview with MTV about his new book, Red. My Uncensored Life in Rock, Hagar tells of how he was once wait. for. it. abducted by aliens! Seriously.Tequila will do that shit to you. When asked by the MTV interviewer if he’d ever been abducted by extra terrestrials, Hagar replied I think I have. … Remember the story in the book, where I have a dream about being contacted by aliens in the foothills above Fontana?

Yeah, yeah, I’ve got the page right here. “I saw a ship and two creatures inside of this ship… And they were connected to me, tapped into my mind through some kind of mysterious wireless connection.” You’re telling me that wasn’t a dream?

That’s right. It was real. [Aliens] were plugged into me. It was a download situation. This was long before computers or any kind of wireless. There weren’t even wireless telephones. Looking back now, it was like, “F—, they downloaded something into me!” Or they uploaded something from my brain, like an experiment. ‘See what this guy knows.’

Sammy, the only thing that’s been “downloaded” is that rotgut you call tequila. Well, that and maybe some heavy duty pharmaceuticals. It appears that Hagar isn’t the only one stoned out of his noggin. Some people believe that Hagar’s hit Why Can’t This Be Love?” is an ode to alien love. I can see right now people all over the world who read this blog heading over to YouTube to find that song. As for me, I’ll never listen to it the same way again, that is if I ever listen to it again. Alien love indeed. Dipshits.

Don’t get me wrong. I like Sammy Hagar as a musician, but you gotta admit, the fucker is an order of fries short of a Happy Meal. I guess his Cabo has been Wabo’ed one too many times.

Dumbass.

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Dumbass Teachers Instruct English Children on UFO – Greeting

Once upon a time, England was a great and powerful country. But that was once upon a time and the passage of time has not been good to the home of Winston Churchill, Sir Walter Raleigh and Monty Python. Not only has the British dance with socialism and political correctness turned the country into a burgeoning Third-World Hell Hole, some of the institutions of education there are going to shit as well. Some places that are supposed to teach reading, writing and arithmetic (we used to call them schools), are teaching 8,9 and 10 year olds what to do in the event of (multiple choice, pick the most correct answer): a) inclement weather, b) an attack by a crazed gunman, c) a national emergency or d) a UFO crash. The correct answer is “d”, as in dumbass! I. Kid. You. Not. This article states that “In a typical drill, a UFO crash incident is created, and police arrive to show 8- to 10-year-old pupils how to handle such a scenario, which includes gathering “wreckage,” and the students are encouraged to share and write about the experience.” And you thought I was kiddin’. So, these kids are shown how to handle such a scenario, huh? I can tell you how most 8 – 10 year olds would handle such a scenario…they would run like someone put a rocket up their ass, screaming “MOMMY!!” like Roseanne Barr singing the National Anthem. As far as “gathering wreckage”, what the hell is wrong with these people?! Maybe I am mistaken, but if a UFO were to crash, wouldn’t the local constabulary cordon off the immediate area and wait for the military to secure the crash site for further investigation? But the dumbasses in charge of this “exercise”, want kids to pick up alien material, possibly TOXIC alien material, and exchange it like they would David Beckham bubble gum cards? Ho. Lee. Shit. And I don’t mean the Chinese actor Ho Lee Shit. Then Step 3 of this exercise in dumbassery encourages children to “share and write about their experiences”. Now isn’t that sweet? Again, if I were eight and I had to write about this kind of thing, it would be brief and concise. My essay would read, “I saw the UFO crash and I shit my pants. Then I ran home like somebody put a rocket up my ass, screaming “MOMMY!!” The end”. Dumbasses.

A Dumbass Crash Course in UFO Crashes

Hey! Let’s Share and Write About Our Experiences!

Once upon a time, England was a great and powerful country. But that was once upon a time and the passage of time has not been good to the home of Winston Churchill, Sir Walter Raleigh and Monty Python. Not only has the British dance with socialism and political correctness turned the country into a burgeoning Third-World Hell Hole, some of the institutions of education there are going to shit as well. Some places that are supposed to teach reading, writing and arithmetic (we used to call them schools), are teaching 8,9 and 10 year olds what to do in the event of (multiple choice, pick the most correct answer): a) inclement weather, b) an attack by a crazed gunman, c) a national emergency or d) a UFO crash. The correct answer is “d”, as in dumbass! I. Kid. You. Not. This article states that “In a typical drill, a UFO crash incident is created, and police arrive to show 8- to 10-year-old pupils how to handle such a scenario, which includes gathering “wreckage,” and the students are encouraged to share and write about the experience.” And you thought I was kiddin’. So, these kids are shown how to handle such a scenario, huh? I can tell you how most 8 – 10 year olds would handle such a scenario…they would run like someone put a rocket up their ass, screaming “MOMMY!!” like Roseanne Barr singing the National Anthem. As far as “gathering wreckage”, what the hell is wrong with these people?! Maybe I am mistaken, but if a UFO were to crash, wouldn’t the local constabulary cordon off the immediate area and wait for the military to secure the crash site for further investigation? But the dumbasses in charge of this “exercise”, want kids to pick up alien material, possibly TOXIC alien material, and exchange it like they would David Beckham bubble gum cards? Ho. Lee. Shit. And I don’t mean the Chinese actor Ho Lee Shit. Then Step 3 of this exercise in dumbassery encourages children to “share and write about their experiences”. Now isn’t that sweet? Again, if I were eight and I had to write about this kind of thing, it would be brief and concise. My essay would read, “I saw the UFO crash and I shit my pants. Then I ran home like somebody put a rocket up my ass, screaming “MOMMY!!” The end”. Dumbasses.