Category: United States

Guy Robs Bank w/Fake Gun; Gets Shot w/Real .357

The 2nd Amendment to the Constitution of the United States reads thusly: “a well-regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed”. 

A bank employee in Trimble, Missouri recently exercised his 2nd Amendment rights when some Dumbass tried to rob the First Security Bank.

The Thinker

Michael Oliva is one of those Dumbasses who on occasion comes up with a brilliant idea. And y “brilliant” I of course mean “stoopid as fuck”.

Fake.

Michael was sittin’ around one day sparkin’ up the ol’ crack pipe, throwin’ back some foaties (that’s “forties” as in 40oz beer for all you Old White Guys out there) and singin’ Kanye West songs, hereafter referred to as “shit”, trying to think of something to do. All of the sudden Michael came up with a brilliant (“stoopid as fuck”) idea. Michael exclaimed, “El Frito Bandito es pendejo!” which is Meskin lingo for, “Hey! I have a stoopid as fuck idea! I’m gonna go rob a bank with a realistic looking but fake hand gun!”.

So he set out on his felonious feat.

Penalty for Early Withdrawal 

At 1:25 PM one recent Friday afternoon, Michael Oliva arrived at First Security Bank, 202 US Highway 169 in Trimble, MO. Michael had his Fake But Realistic Looking Hand Gun at the ready. What could possibly go wrong?

I’m glad you asked that question.

So Michael pulls a black ski mask over his head and makes his entry into the bank. He goes up to one of the bank tellers and demands the money in her cash drawer. At this point, a bunch of noisy shit and commotion goes on catching the attention of another bank employee in an office near the teller area.

Remember up there ^^^ when you asked “what could possibly go wrong?”

This is What Could Possibly Go Wrong

Real.

The Bank Guy who came running to the front of the bank from an office? He confronted Michael and his Fake But Looks Like a Real Gun Gun face to face. Did I mention that the Bank Guy has a concealed carry permit for a REAL gun? He does.

Anyway, here’s the Bank Guy with a .357 staring straight into the eyes of Michael Oliva who is in possession     of a Realistic Looking But FAKE Gun. It is at this point that the Bank Guy aims his very real .357 at Michael and blasts him in the face with a very real .357 bullet.

Somehow, by the Grace of God I suppose, Michael is not graveyard dead and manages to escape with a gun shot wound to the jaw.

Long story short….Michael gets away and then leads the cops on a high speed car chase before finally being apprehended. Upon being nabbed by The Fuzz, Michael was heard to say, “Hace mucho calor” which translates to: “Boy was that a stoopid as fuck idea”.

Ay! Ay! Ay! Canta y no llores! Translation:

Dumbass.

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4th of July, 2012

When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary…

Thus begins the Declaration of Independence, (full text at link) a document so powerful that it would change the course of World History. This amazing manuscript was adopted by representatives of the Original 13 Colonies on July 4,1776 and concluded with these stirring words, “And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.” 

Outlining what Abraham Lincoln would later call “a government of the people, by the people and for the people”, the Declaration is perhaps the most significant document in the history of our Republic.

Fast forward to July 4, 2012. Today we celebrate the 236th Birthday of the United States of America, an experiment in self-governance that has proven to be he best form of administration of society in the History of Man. While hundreds of millions of Americans note this day with fireworks, backyard barbecues and sports, let us honor the men who did indeed “mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor” and the Early Americans who sacrificed so much so that we may live in Freedom today.

A Few Little-Known Patriotic Facts About July 4  

31
Number of places nationwide with “liberty” in their name. The most populous one is Liberty, Missouri (29,149). Iowa has more of these places than any other state: four (Libertyville, New Liberty, North Liberty and West Liberty).

  • Eleven places have “independence” in their name. The most populous of these is Independence, Missouri, with 116,830 residents.

  • Five places adopted the name “freedom.” New Freedom, Pennsylvania with 4,464 residents, has the largest population among these.

  • There is one place named “patriot” — Patriot, Indiana, with a population of 209.

  • And what could be more fitting than spending the day in a place called “America”? There are five such places in the country, with the most populous being American Fork, Utah, with 26,263 residents. 

During all the fun activities you have going on today, I hope you’ll take a few minutes to re-read the Declaration of Independence and absorb the magnificence of its words and their meaning. Talk about it with your kids and/or grand kids. Recall our Founding Fathers and the enormous risks they were taking so that they, their families and all future Americans could enjoy the fruits of Liberty. 
It’s an astounding story.


However, it will only be an astounding story as long as Patriots mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor”. 

For us, as it was for the Founders, it is a time for choosing.




 

                                                                God Bless America!

God bless America!

Veterans Day: Not a Dumbass in the House

God Bless Our Veterans

Happy Veterans Day for those of you in the United States! It was on the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month in 1918 that the end of World War I was officially declared. At that time and for 36 more years, this date was known as Armistice Day, a day honoring World War I veterans. It wasn’t until 1954 when President Eisenhower signed into law the bill that would make November 11 Veterans Day, that we honor all veterans in the United States on November 11.How did Armistice Day morph into Veterans Day?

The idea of Veterans Day came from an unlikely source – a shoe store owner in Emporia, Kansas. In 1953, shoe store owner Alfred King believed that November 11 should honor all veterans in the United States, not only those who served in World War I. Wikipedia picks up the story from there : “King had been actively involved with the American War Dads during World War II. He began a campaign to turn Armistice Day into “All” Veterans Day. The Emporia Chamber of Commerce took up the cause after determining that 90% of Emporia merchants as well as the Board of Education supported closing their doors on November 11 to honor veterans. With the help of then-U.S. Rep. Ed Rees, also from Emporia, a bill for the holiday was pushed through Congress. President Dwight Eisenhower signed it into law on May 26, 1954.

A lone voice in the Heartland of the United States was heard loud and clear in the Halls of Congress, and thanks to Alfred King, shoe store owner, we now celebrate the service to our country by roughly 25,000,000 veterans from all wars throughout the Fruited Plain each November 11.

God bless Alfred King, God bless our Veterans and God bless the United States of America.