It was an interesting, yet fairly slow, week at the ole Dumbass News Desk this week. Given that we had a long Labor Day Weekend to contend with, that is to be expected. Why some people would rather spend the last “official” weekend of summer with family and friends, cooking out, watching football and drinking cold beer than reading about important things like Nigerian Cocaine-Stuffed Chicken or 82 year old ladies with a seven decade criminal record is beyond me, but that’s what happened earlier this week. Go figger.
Well, now those Dumbasses have no excuse for not catching up on some really earth-shattering Dumbass news. News that literally (thanks, Joe Biden!) shook the planet to its core with the sheer amount of idiocy, noxious fumes and outright bullshit emanating from it. But enough about the Democrat Convention….let’s get to the fun stuff known as Dumbass News’ The Week That Wuz!
|Photographic Metaphor for “The Week That Wuz”|
The Week That Wuz
I am sure that you are familiar with the old saying that “Nothing good happens after midnight”. I have proven this time-tested bit of wisdom accurate yet again with the story of the couple who was robbed by a group of clowns, literally (thanks again, Joe Biden!). The whole episode started with a 3 AM knock on the door...
After looking at the pictures from Dumbass Family Vacation Photos, getting ripped off at three in the morning by Bozo the Clown and two knife-weilding buddies will seem like a walk in the park. You can get over a robbery, but you can not un-see some of the most disgusting camera work in the history of mankind. But you know you wanna look. Go ahead. I dare you.
I know thousands of members of the Dumbass Horde were relieved to know that the phone sex they’ve been having with
hookers young ladies on those party lines is not prostitution. The Eye-talian Supreme Court says so.
See how much time and money you wasted on family, food and beer? You could have gotten the same cheap thrills for FREE simply by blowing off your Labor Day Shindig and reading about the Dumbass News Week That Wuz.
I’ll forgive you. This time.
The Unofficial End of Summer has come and gone for yet another year. The sun has set on Labor Day for 2012, school is in full swing around the country and vacation season is over, but it is not forgotten. I am sure that on your latest Once-in-a-Liftime Family Vacation , you have fond memories that’ll last you until next Thursday and some photos that will haunt you for eternity.
And when I say “eternity”, I mean “eternity”. Some day when you reach the Pearly Gates, St. Peter will look in the Book of Life for your name and there will be an asterisk (*) next to it. St. Peter will then, in a most un Saint Peter-like fashion fall to the Heavenly ground laughing his ass off while yellowing at a Highly Placed Angel, “Hey, Murray! The Finkelsteins are here! Get a load of these vacation photos!” Soon the laughter from above will resonate all around the Earth as Divine Thunder in its own uproarious kind of way.
I told you that I meant “eternity”.
You Ain’t Alone
Fret not, Dear Dumbass, you ain’t the only one who has vacation photos that would make Saturday Night Live look like a day at the morgue.
Check out these lovely family vacation photos from Dumbasses all around the country and sit back and try to guess which family is the next “Finkelsteins” to reach the Great Beyond. It’s a game the whole tribe will enjoy!
The Yoopermans from Ypslanti, Meechigan….
|“Look, Dad! Leapfrog!”|
Next…the Yerdelmanns from Toad Suck, Arkansas.
|Why are four people taking pictures at once? I’m so confused!|
Jim Bob and Lily Beth on the Banks of the Colorado River…
|Hook ’em Horns and Just Plain Hooker|
Lance and Gwendolyn Finsterwald enjoyed a Medieval Vacaction…
|“I am going to “impale” you, wench!”|
The Garcias are the “Happiest Family on Earth!”
|The Happiest Place on Earth? bwahahahaha|
Molly and Heidi sum up their family’s vacation with a single photo…
|In. The. Crapper.|
If you have some
haunting memorable family vacation photos you’d like to share with The Dumbass Horde, send to me at realdumbassnews AT gmail Dot com and I’ll be more than happy to post them right here on Dumbass News for people in at least 143 countries to marvel at. And by “marvel at”, I mean laugh until they puke, of course.