One of my favorite sayings, and I am big on sayings, is that life is like comedy – it’s all in the timing. Well, slap me down and call me shorty (another saying I like) if blogging ain’t like comedy too. The timing part that is.
Let me splain.
I got today’s story in my email yesterday and, lo and behold if I didn’t start up a new blog yesterday too. The story for today is about vacations and sex and my new web site is about vacations and sex! Well, the new blog, The Lower 48 (Plus 2), is actually about vacations, but I suppose that you could have some really good Mad Monkey Sex at some of the places I feature on the site. But, I digress.
“Gettin’ Some” on Vacation
Zoosk.com, the romantic social site, which is another way to say “a get laid site”, recently conducted a survey of 1529 adults ages 18-49 on the subject of romantic vacations. Seventy-four per cent of the respondents said that the nooky while on a romantic getaway was better than gettin’ porked at home. Normally, I would call bullshit and make fun of Zoosk.com, but not this time. I’ll make fun of Zoosk.com later in the story. 🙂
I don’t disagree with the findings of this survey for one main reason – routine. Couples who have sex at home on a regular basis tend to slip into a routine that is more or less habitual. So I read anyway. (That’s not true for me of course because I am a StudMuffin and Fearless Mad Monkey Sex With Mrs. Fearless Leader Leader of the Dumbass Horde. Enough said.) Whereas while being on vacation in a new, exciting, exotic locale is almost certain to crank up the ole Horny Meter in both men and wimmin. It just makes sense. To me anyway.
I’ll have to confer with Mrs. Fearless Leader about her thoughts on the subject.
Here’s the Rub
My problem with this survey is where the answerers considered the best places away from home to bump uglies.
Here’s what I mean:
- 22% said the beach was the most romantic place to spend a vacation.
- 15% replied that a romantic city was the deal for them.
- Another 15% said some far-flung locale got them all worked up.
- 9% of the 1529 Dumbasses in this survey thought that staying at a Bed & Breakfast was very romantic.
- 8% (EIGHT PER CENT!) felt that a road trip was the way to go and…
- 5% wanted to go camping for a romantic interlude.
What. The. Fuck.?
Here’s What I Think: (in the same order as the results above)
- I don’t like sand on my nether regions
- What constitutes a “romantic city”? One with no bowling alley?
- Far-flung? Like Nebraska?
- The only way this can be true is if a couple is engaging in a little “offensive driving”, if you know what I mean and I think you do.
- Are you kiddin’? I prefer that guests in the other rooms do not ear-witness the goings on of Fearless Leader Mad Monkey Sex.
- No damn way. What’s worse than sand “down there”? Ticks “down there”, that’s what!
I have made an Executive Dumbass Decision. I am gonna take about a week away from blogging to go on the Dumbass News World Search for Exemplary Dumbassery. Yes, I am going to travel the globe in sear….OK.OK.OK ‘I am gonna take a few days off. It’s been a while since I actually had a real break from keeping you up on the latest Dumbassery known to mankind. I know you guys will be OK without me, keeping your Dumbass Radar finely tuned to the events and people that we love to “feature” here on the blog.
In the meantime, I am going to schedule a few “Greatest Dumbass Hits” columns before I go dark, so when you need that Dumbass Fix, you’ll be just a click away from a hit. If you read all the “Greatest Hits” posts, then be sure to check out the archives for your Daily Dose of Dumbass. Remember, there are almost 500 stories to choose from.
That’s a lot of Dumbassery in one location.
If you find an article worthy of putting on Dumbass News, simply email it to me at readumbassnews AT gmail DOT com. I’ll check it out as soon as I get back to “work”.
Until then, adios and God bless you.
Fearless Leader of the Dumbass Horde