|Dumbass Smith & Wesson|
It’s been quite an eventful week, even more eventful than “normal”, here at Dumbass News. I have already broken “the news” to my Facebook amigos, so I guess it’s time to let the cat out of the bag here. Due to some debilitating dumbass health reasons and old age, but mostly debilitating dumbass health reasons, I am now Officially Retired. My doctor told me that going back to work is not an option now, so at this point all I have is you, my fellow dumbasses. <sniffle> Thanks for being there for me…assclowns. (I say that with love.) I have already reaped one of the rewards of being put out to pasture, and that is that little blue and white “handicapped” placard you hang off your rear view mirror in your car. Now I can park in one of those special handicapped spaces at those lunatic asylums like Sam’s Club and WalMart. This is where I extract my revenge for all the years of some dipshit zipping in front of me to get a parking spot close to the store. Vengeance is mine, bitches! With Christmas shopping season almost upon us, I am gonna keep a running total, by stamping a Dumbass Caricature on the driver’s side door (like those old WWII fighter planes) of how many assholes I can piss off when I park in the Old Farts Spot while they aimlessly search the parking lot for a space somewhere in the same zip code as the store! bwahahahahahaha!!! I should get plenty of material for the blog at the same time. Christmas shopping dumbasses.
Soooooooo without further ado (whatever the hell that means), let’s take a look at this week’s Dumbass Highlights! We had another stellar week with stories from dumbasses that even surprise me. In case you missed ’em, here they are again:
- Legal Nekkididity in San Francissy! – Yes, friends, you can now visit the Bay Area and observe homos prancing about while they are nekkid as a jay bird. I know that’s always been on my bucket list. I was in SF one time, got off my plane and saw two Oriental homos driving one of those souped up golf cart baggage carrying things and they had tongues flyin’ around like electrons on a uranium atom. I puked. Then I went to the airport bar and got drunk…with my ex-wife! (that’s a Dunmbass News story in and of itself) I kid you not. Now you see why San Fran holds some very “special” memories for me. That was one of the best hurl sessions I’ve ever had – a real Hall of Famer.
- Inmate Sues Prison Over Soy! – This dumbass is in the joint until Michael Moore slims down to 185 pounds. That’s a long time. So he’s suing the Big House because they use soy in much of their food. He’s got a weak stomach or some shit. Pussy. If KI were him, soy would be the last thing on my mind while I was in prison, if you know what I mean and I think you do. Two words you felonious nimrod – bung hole. I’m just sayin’.
- Too Much Cussin’ & Dumbass Newspaper Headlines – My Mom says that I need to cut back on the “colorful metaphors” in my posts. I offer my counter point to that suggestion with some well thought out and reasoned
bullshitarguments otherwise. My Mom called me after she read my reply and now I have to stand in the corner for 15 minutes a day for a week. Gee thanks, Mom. The other half of this post is the rock ’em, sock ’em world of Dumbass Newspaper Headlines! Excuse me, I still have 4 minutes left in my appointment with the corner.
- Veterans Day; Not a Dumbass in the House: This is a rare bear here on the pages of Dumbass News. A serious post. In thanking the Armed Forces personnel who are now serving our country, I thought a quick look at how Veterans Day got started would be kinda cool. It is.
Thanks are in order for you, my kindred spirit of a dumbass, for making this probably the best week (visitor-wise) that the blog has ever had. I am as grateful as a dumbass could be. Now get to fuckin’ reading and be sure to invite your friends to come be in awe of the monumental brilliance that graces these pages. Don’t be shy…leave a comment. I know your keyboard doesn’t have a crayon font, so do your best.
|God Bless Our Veterans|
Happy Veterans Day for those of you in the United States! It was on the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month in 1918 that the end of World War I was officially declared. At that time and for 36 more years, this date was known as Armistice Day, a day honoring World War I veterans. It wasn’t until 1954 when President Eisenhower signed into law the bill that would make November 11 Veterans Day, that we honor all veterans in the United States on November 11.How did Armistice Day morph into Veterans Day?
The idea of Veterans Day came from an unlikely source – a shoe store owner in Emporia, Kansas. In 1953, shoe store owner Alfred King believed that November 11 should honor all veterans in the United States, not only those who served in World War I. Wikipedia picks up the story from there : “King had been actively involved with the American War Dads during World War II. He began a campaign to turn Armistice Day into “All” Veterans Day. The Emporia Chamber of Commerce took up the cause after determining that 90% of Emporia merchants as well as the Board of Education supported closing their doors on November 11 to honor veterans. With the help of then-U.S. Rep. Ed Rees, also from Emporia, a bill for the holiday was pushed through Congress. President Dwight Eisenhower signed it into law on May 26, 1954.“
A lone voice in the Heartland of the United States was heard loud and clear in the Halls of Congress, and thanks to Alfred King, shoe store owner, we now celebrate the service to our country by roughly 25,000,000 veterans from all wars throughout the Fruited Plain each November 11.
God bless Alfred King, God bless our Veterans and God bless the United States of America.