Category: Washington State

Sequester Ramifications: Siphoning Sewage Instead of Gasoline!

I am under the constraints of time this morning, so I looked back through the Dumbass News and came up with one of the funniest stories we have ever come across. This is an encore performance.

Sometimes it doesn’t pay to get out of bed.

And sequester.

Dumbass.

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That Sucks: Dumbass Siphons Raw Sewage Instead of Gas from RV!

Yesterday was one of the Worst Days in the History of Worst Days for your Fearless Leader. I’ll spare you the details, but I will say that it involves several thousand dollars.

Needless to say that I’ll be attending to this matter for most of the day, therefore, I’ll satisfy your urge for Dumbassery with a story from last September. This is a story that many of my new readers and #TGDN Followers on Twitter have not yet read.

I think you’ll like it.

Sometimes it just doesn’t pay to get up in the morning.

I don’t know where the original article came from except that Mrs. Fearless Leader shared it on Facebook via funmeme.com.

I Wanna Know

  • Are the sewage and fuel tanks on RVs not labeled as such?
  • If not, why?
  • If so, can’t this Dumbass read?
  • If not, why can’t he? 
  • Is he just another product of the Seattle School System?
  • Fire all Seattle teachers who taught him if the above is true. Please.
  • I kinda don’t blame the guy. Gas is over four bucks a gallon.
  • The owner of the RV is a cool sumbitch letting a mouth full of shit be punishment enough for the Dumbass Gas Thief.
  • I’m glad that it was him and not me.
  • ROFLMFAO

I have put forth some very serious and demanding-of-answers questions and I fully expect them to be answered forthwith.

Yeah. Right.

And I am still ROFLMFAO.

Dumbass.

Dumbasses Pay for Pizza & Movie with Stolen Rare Coins!

Many of you in the Dumbass Horde have hobbies. Some of them are what we might call a little on the strange side – collecting celebrities’ hair. But, generally speaking these hobbies are fairly “normal” (for Dumbasses anyway) like stamp or rare coin collecting.

Did someone say “rare coin collecting”?

I know of a couple of Dumbass who collect other people’s rare coins.

Rare Coin

Let me splain.

OPC (Other People’s Coins)

A lady in Woodland, Washington hired a man and a woman, Dakoda and Elizabeth, to do some handy work around her house. They did some handy work all right. They found some rare coins, some as old as 200 years, put them in their grimy little hands and walked away with them.

And then the Dumbassery began.

Dakoda and Liz decided that they were hungry and went to a local pizzeria and had a pie paid for by, you guessed it, the rare coins! One of the coins the dickhead duo used to pay for the pizza turned out to be a Liberty quarter worth $18,500! That’s eighteen and a half Large for the Criminal Element (and Yoopers) in the Dumbass Horde.

Our Dumbass Duet also decided to take in a movie paid for, right again, Numismatic Breath, with the kiped coins.

I see a pattern here. A Pattern of Dumbassery at Its Highest Level.

Too Stoopid to Know 

I am under the impression that these two idjits either didn’t know what they had or didn’t care what they had because they were methed-up (a favorite pasttime in the Northwest) to realize it. If they were on meth at the time, they had to buy it from someone and they may have bought one of the most expensive 8 balls in Meth History. Think about it. Some dope dealer was paid with thousands of dollars of rare coinage for a couple of hundred dollars worth of speed. He’s laughin’ all the way to the bank on this one.

Anyway, he’s in jail and the cops didn’t hold Liz because, get this, she’s nine months pregnant! The poor baby will be so proud some day to learn that his/her Mama is a felon and a…

…Dumbass.

Seattle Dumbass Siphons Sewage Instead of Gas from RV!

Sometimes it just doesn’t pay to get up in the morning.

Petrol or Poop?

I don’t know where the original article came from except that Mrs. Fearless Leader shared it on Facebook via funmeme.com.

I Wanna Know 

  • Are the sewage and fuel tanks on RVs not labeled as such?
  • If not, why?
  • If so, can’t this Dumbass read?
  • If not, why can’t he? 
  • Is he just another product of the Seattle School System?
  • Fire all Seattle teachers who taught him if the above is true. Please.
  • I kinda don’t blame the guy. Gas is over four bucks a gallon.
  • The owner of the RV is a cool sumbitch letting a mouth full of shit be punishment enough for the Dumbass Gas Thief.
  • I’m glad that it was him and not me.
  • ROFLMFAO

I have put forth some very serious and demanding-of-answers questions and I fully expect them to be answered forthwith.

Yeah. Right.

And I am still ROFLMFAO.

Dumbass.

How Could We Forget Spuds McDumbass?

Breakfast

***Repost from December, 2010***

 I am sitting here in my living room with my wife watching a DVR’ed  Dr. Phil show. The topic is very timely. The show’s about overeating and gaining weight during the holiday season. Millions of Americans will fight the Battle of the Bulge over the next few weeks as the visit Grandma’s house and eat. The in-laws’ house and eat. The kids’ house and eat. You get the picture. That’s just the nature of the beast st this time of year.

There’s a dumbass in Moses Lake, Washington that is the head of the Washington State Potato Commission. You are asking yourself, “Now, Toby, why would you just jump to the conclusion that the Head of the Washington State Potato Commission is a dumbass?” Fair question. I will now present to you conclusive evidence that this guy is a dumbass. Prepare to be amazed. Or nauseated. Or something.

The Head Spud Guy in Washington is named Chris Voigt. Chris recently took of the cause of defending and repairing the reputation of potatoes. Hey, he’s the Head Spud Guy, so it’s understandable why he’d do that. But, Chris the Head Spud Guy went a bit overboard in his efforts to de-demonize potatoes. How? Well, Chris went a on potatoes-only for 60 days! And he was mighty proud of the fact that he lost 17 pounds during his diet. Well, guess what, Chris, you dumbass? You could eat nothing but pork chops for two months and you’d still lose weight. 

Chris gave us this pearl of wisdom, “I’ve baked, boiled, broiled, fried, smashed and shredded potatoes.” He said he avoided all the add-ons that you’d normally put on taters including butter, sour cream and bacon bits. It seems that the “health conscious crowd”, or as I call them anorexic dumbasses, doesn’t like you to put butter, sour cream or bacon bits on your spuds. I say WHY? Chris, just look at the the dumbasses you are trying to prove wrong! They are going to die sick fuckers from not eating any of the good stuff! On the other hand, you will live longer than those “health conscious” assholes because you ate real food that nourished your body the way it needs to be nourished. Don’t get me wrong, I know that it’s not healthy to do anything in excess, however, doing nothing but eating tofu and bean sprouts ain’t gonna cut the mustard either. Put the “health conscious” crowd on a 60 day tofu-only diet and what would you get? A dead anorexic tofu-eating member of the “health conscious” crowd! Dumbasses.

I think I’ll head over to Wendy’s and get me a triple decker baconator and a baked potato with sour cream, lots of butter, cheese and bacon bits. Wanna join me, Chris? We can make fun of tofu eating anorexic dumbasses.