Category: Washington

Sequester Ramifications: Siphoning Sewage Instead of Gasoline!

I am under the constraints of time this morning, so I looked back through the Dumbass News and came up with one of the funniest stories we have ever come across. This is an encore performance.

Sometimes it doesn’t pay to get out of bed.

And sequester.

Dumbass.

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That Sucks: Dumbass Siphons Raw Sewage Instead of Gas from RV!

Yesterday was one of the Worst Days in the History of Worst Days for your Fearless Leader. I’ll spare you the details, but I will say that it involves several thousand dollars.

Needless to say that I’ll be attending to this matter for most of the day, therefore, I’ll satisfy your urge for Dumbassery with a story from last September. This is a story that many of my new readers and #TGDN Followers on Twitter have not yet read.

I think you’ll like it.

Sometimes it just doesn’t pay to get up in the morning.

I don’t know where the original article came from except that Mrs. Fearless Leader shared it on Facebook via funmeme.com.

I Wanna Know

  • Are the sewage and fuel tanks on RVs not labeled as such?
  • If not, why?
  • If so, can’t this Dumbass read?
  • If not, why can’t he? 
  • Is he just another product of the Seattle School System?
  • Fire all Seattle teachers who taught him if the above is true. Please.
  • I kinda don’t blame the guy. Gas is over four bucks a gallon.
  • The owner of the RV is a cool sumbitch letting a mouth full of shit be punishment enough for the Dumbass Gas Thief.
  • I’m glad that it was him and not me.
  • ROFLMFAO

I have put forth some very serious and demanding-of-answers questions and I fully expect them to be answered forthwith.

Yeah. Right.

And I am still ROFLMFAO.

Dumbass.

Chick w/Duct Taped Boobs Attacks 3 Cops!

Milestone: Some time yesterday morning Dumbass News topped the 100,000 page view barrier! One. Hundred. Thousand. That’s got a nice ring to it. I can’t begin to express my sincerest thanks to each of you for time and support. There were times when I wasn’t sure that we’d make it to a thousand, much less 100K.

I am humbled and grateful.

Thank you.

Fearless Leader

Best of Dumbass News

You know, I am getting pretty damned fed up with this shit. “This shit” being that Dumbasses everywhere are giving Duct Tape bad PR. It all started back in March when a couple of nekkid Dumbasses decided to get their freak on then take a drive around Portland, Oregon. On that occasion Duct Tape was used to bind the Lady Dumbass up like she was being kidnapped. Now if the Lady Dumbass had a nice rack on her then this would not be Duct Tape Abuse, but this is Portland, Oregon we’re talking about here, so that is doubtful. How do I know? Have you ever seen pictures of the women in Portland who would drive around town nekkid with their hooters bound by Duct Tape? I rest my case.

Well, the demeaning of that most valuable of Redneck Tool Box Accessories continues out on the Left Coast. This time by a stripper wanna be from Seattle. As you know, Seattle is a veritable mother lode of Dumbasses and the Communist and Suicide Haven Because It’s Gray and Rainy A Lot Capital of the United States.

I. Ain’t. Happy.

A Night on the Town

A woman whose name we do not know but we’ll call “MoonBeam” had had enough of the Commie bullshit and rampant suicide going on in her town, so she decided that a night out would be a good thing.

MoonBeam got all painted up and dressed up for her big excursion into the night life of Seattle and headed to a local night club. This is mere conjecture on my part, but I think it will be borne out by the end of this story, upon arrival at the club, MoonBeam began to drink a copious amount of Mad Dog 20/20. Soon she was obviously drunk. I say that because at some point later in the evening, MoonBeam began to take off her clothes. While still inside the night club.

Enter the Duct Tape

MoonBeam peeled off her shirt exposing her knockers then reached into her purse and pulled out some pink Duct Tape. At this point, she began to wrap the Duct Tape around her boobage when a club bartender and a female patron intervened and politely said, “Bitch, leave the club now!”, but not in those exact words.  MoonBeam would have none of this interference, so she proceeded to give the two interlopers an old fashion beat down.

The cops were called.

The cops get to the scene and MoonBeam, with her hammers firmly ensconced in pink Duct Tape, ran from them and tried to hide in the Ladies’ Room of a nearby KFC/Taco Bell joint. Now, if I am the cops and I’m looking around for a female suspect in the nearby KFC/Taco Bell, the Ladies’ Room would be a good place to check out. If there are no ladies with their tits wrapped in pink Duct Tape in there, you move on with the investigation. Alas, MoonBeam was in there and the police handcuffed her and led her out of the restaurant to the Police Cruiser.

MoonBeam was not amused.

More Fun!

It was at this point that, according to the Law, MoonBeam “freaked out”. By “freaked out” I think the Seattle PD meant that MoonBeam kicked the shit out of three of Seattle’s Finest. Further, by “kicked the shit out of”, I mean one cop severed a tendon in one of his fingers, another suffered a slight concussion when MoonBeam gave him a round house kick to the skull and yet a third cop suffered a dislocated jaw!

There was no word whether the pink Duct Tape kept MoonBeam’s hammers in place, but inquiring minds want to know.

Regardless, MoonBeam and her boobies will now spend a large portion of the next decade as a guest of the State of Washington. After the ass kickin’ she gave the cops, it has yet to be determined whether she will do her time in a men’s or a women’s prison.  

Or! the State of Washington could send her to Portland, Oregon. I hear there’s a Duct Tape-loving couple there that is looking for a new friend.

Duct Tape not included.

Dumbass.

Dumbasses Pay for Pizza & Movie with Stolen Rare Coins!

Many of you in the Dumbass Horde have hobbies. Some of them are what we might call a little on the strange side – collecting celebrities’ hair. But, generally speaking these hobbies are fairly “normal” (for Dumbasses anyway) like stamp or rare coin collecting.

Did someone say “rare coin collecting”?

I know of a couple of Dumbass who collect other people’s rare coins.

Rare Coin

Let me splain.

OPC (Other People’s Coins)

A lady in Woodland, Washington hired a man and a woman, Dakoda and Elizabeth, to do some handy work around her house. They did some handy work all right. They found some rare coins, some as old as 200 years, put them in their grimy little hands and walked away with them.

And then the Dumbassery began.

Dakoda and Liz decided that they were hungry and went to a local pizzeria and had a pie paid for by, you guessed it, the rare coins! One of the coins the dickhead duo used to pay for the pizza turned out to be a Liberty quarter worth $18,500! That’s eighteen and a half Large for the Criminal Element (and Yoopers) in the Dumbass Horde.

Our Dumbass Duet also decided to take in a movie paid for, right again, Numismatic Breath, with the kiped coins.

I see a pattern here. A Pattern of Dumbassery at Its Highest Level.

Too Stoopid to Know 

I am under the impression that these two idjits either didn’t know what they had or didn’t care what they had because they were methed-up (a favorite pasttime in the Northwest) to realize it. If they were on meth at the time, they had to buy it from someone and they may have bought one of the most expensive 8 balls in Meth History. Think about it. Some dope dealer was paid with thousands of dollars of rare coinage for a couple of hundred dollars worth of speed. He’s laughin’ all the way to the bank on this one.

Anyway, he’s in jail and the cops didn’t hold Liz because, get this, she’s nine months pregnant! The poor baby will be so proud some day to learn that his/her Mama is a felon and a…

…Dumbass.

Seattle Dumbass Siphons Sewage Instead of Gas from RV!

Sometimes it just doesn’t pay to get up in the morning.

Petrol or Poop?

I don’t know where the original article came from except that Mrs. Fearless Leader shared it on Facebook via funmeme.com.

I Wanna Know 

  • Are the sewage and fuel tanks on RVs not labeled as such?
  • If not, why?
  • If so, can’t this Dumbass read?
  • If not, why can’t he? 
  • Is he just another product of the Seattle School System?
  • Fire all Seattle teachers who taught him if the above is true. Please.
  • I kinda don’t blame the guy. Gas is over four bucks a gallon.
  • The owner of the RV is a cool sumbitch letting a mouth full of shit be punishment enough for the Dumbass Gas Thief.
  • I’m glad that it was him and not me.
  • ROFLMFAO

I have put forth some very serious and demanding-of-answers questions and I fully expect them to be answered forthwith.

Yeah. Right.

And I am still ROFLMFAO.

Dumbass.

Chick w/ Duct Taped Boobs Beats Up Three Cops!

West Coast Fashion Accessory

You know, I am getting pretty damned fed up with this shit. “This shit” being that Dumbasses everywhere are giving Duct Tape bad PR. It all started back in March when a couple of nekkid Dumbasses decided to get their freak on then take a drive around Portland, Oregon. On that occasion Duct Tape was used to bind the Lady Dumbass up like she was being kidnapped. Now if the Lady Dumbass had a nice rack on her then this would not be Duct Tape Abuse, but this is Portland, Oregon we’re talking about here, so that is doubtful. How do I know? Have you ever seen pictures of the women in Portland who would drive around town nekkid with their hooters bound by Duct Tape? I rest my case.

Well, the demeaning of that most valuable of Redneck Tool Box Accessories continues out on the Left Coast. This time by a stripper wanna be from Seattle. As you know, Seattle is a veritable mother lode of Dumbasses and the Communist and Suicide Haven Because It’s Gray and Rainy A Lot Capital of the United States.

I. Ain’t. Happy.

A Night on the Town

A woman whose name we do not know but we’ll call “MoonBeam” had had enough of the Commie bullshit and rampant suicide going on in her town, so she decided that a night out would be a good thing.

MoonBeam got all painted up and dressed up for her big excursion into the night life of Seattle and headed to a local night club. This is mere conjecture on my part, but I think it will be borne out by the end of this story, upon arrival at the club, MoonBeam began to drink a copious amount of Mad Dog 20/20. Soon she was obviously drunk. I say that because at some point later in the evening, MoonBeam began to take off her clothes. While still inside the night club.


Enter the Duct Tape 

MoonBeam peeled off her shirt exposing her knockers then reached into her purse and pulled out some pink Duct Tape. At this point, she began to wrap the Duct Tape around her boobage when a club bartender and a female patron intervened and politely said, “Bitch, leave the club now!”, but not in those exact words.  MoonBeam would have none of this interference, so she proceeded to give the two interlopers an old fashion beat down.

The cops were called.

The cops get to the scene and MoonBeam, with her hammers firmly ensconced in pink Duct Tape, ran from them and tried to hide in the Ladies’ Room of a nearby KFC/Taco Bell joint. Now, if I am the cops and I’m looking around for a female suspect in the nearby KFC/Taco Bell, the Ladies’ Room would be a good place to check out. If there are no ladies with their tits wrapped in pink Duct Tape in there, you move on with the investigation. Alas, MoonBeam was in there and the police handcuffed her and led her out of the restaurant to the Police Cruiser.

MoonBeam was not amused.

More Fun! 

It was at this point that, according to the Law, MoonBeam “freaked out”. By “freaked out” I think the Seattle PD meant that MoonBeam kicked the shit out of three of Seattle’s Finest. Further, by “kicked the shit out of”, I mean one cop severed a tendon in one of his fingers, another suffered a slight concussion when MoonBeam gave him a round house kick to the skull and yet a third cop suffered a dislocated jaw!

There was no word whether the pink Duct Tape kept MoonBeam’s hammers in place, but inquiring minds want to know.

Regardless, MoonBeam and her boobies will now spend a large portion of the next decade as a guest of the State of Washington. After the ass kickin’ she gave the cops, it has yet to be determined whether she will do her time in a men’s or a women’s prison.  

Or! the State of Washington could send her to Portland, Oregon. I hear there’s a Duct Tape-loving couple there that is looking for a new friend.

Duct Tape not included.

Dumbass.

Dumbass Fraud!

$145,000 ?

There is so much good Dumbass News today that I had a hard time deciding what to post. So when in doubt I always go with the story that features a dumbass Liberal from the West Coast. They’re always good for a laugh. And that’s exactly what I did. There are more dumbass Liberals on the West Coast than there are fat kids at a Chocolate Chip Cookie Festival. I’m just sayin’.

There is this dumbass broad named Loewen in Ferndale, Washington who is the focus of our story today. Loewen is a fucked up name to begin with, even for a dumbass, so let’s just call the idiot “Dumbass”. Check this shit out. from the UPI story we get this gem, “Investigators said 59-year-old Loewen B. Craft was wearing a gray wig and makeup to make her appear older when she arrived at the Industrial Credit Union bran ch in Ferndale, Wash., allegedly to open an account in her deceased mother’s name, The Bellingham (Wash.) Herald reported.” What the hell? But, wait! There’s more! “Craft’s mother, Betty Becker, died in 2007. Elfo said Craft collected more than $145,000 in benefits from her mother’s Chevron Oil pension fund. Craft allegedly obtained a false identity in her mother’s name before her mother died” $145,000?! I’d like to congratulate Loewen on setting the new standard for dumbassery. The bar has been lowered, so the rest of you dumbasses waiting to make The Big Time (this blog), you’ve got some serious dumbassery to beat here. Don’t despair, however, competition among dumbasses is good for dumbassery, it’s the American Dumbass Way where only the strong will survive.

Anyway, Loewen is safely locked up the county jail where she cannot procreate and have a bunch of little dumbasses running around like cockroaches when the kitchen light’s turn on late at night. Dumbass.