It was an interesting, yet fairly slow, week at the ole Dumbass News Desk this week. Given that we had a long Labor Day Weekend to contend with, that is to be expected. Why some people would rather spend the last “official” weekend of summer with family and friends, cooking out, watching football and drinking cold beer than reading about important things like Nigerian Cocaine-Stuffed Chicken or 82 year old ladies with a seven decade criminal record is beyond me, but that’s what happened earlier this week. Go figger.
Well, now those Dumbasses have no excuse for not catching up on some really earth-shattering Dumbass news. News that literally (thanks, Joe Biden!) shook the planet to its core with the sheer amount of idiocy, noxious fumes and outright bullshit emanating from it. But enough about the Democrat Convention….let’s get to the fun stuff known as Dumbass News’ The Week That Wuz!
|Photographic Metaphor for “The Week That Wuz”|
The Week That Wuz
I am sure that you are familiar with the old saying that “Nothing good happens after midnight”. I have proven this time-tested bit of wisdom accurate yet again with the story of the couple who was robbed by a group of clowns, literally (thanks again, Joe Biden!). The whole episode started with a 3 AM knock on the door...
After looking at the pictures from Dumbass Family Vacation Photos, getting ripped off at three in the morning by Bozo the Clown and two knife-weilding buddies will seem like a walk in the park. You can get over a robbery, but you can not un-see some of the most disgusting camera work in the history of mankind. But you know you wanna look. Go ahead. I dare you.
I know thousands of members of the Dumbass Horde were relieved to know that the phone sex they’ve been having with
hookers young ladies on those party lines is not prostitution. The Eye-talian Supreme Court says so.
See how much time and money you wasted on family, food and beer? You could have gotten the same cheap thrills for FREE simply by blowing off your Labor Day Shindig and reading about the Dumbass News Week That Wuz.
I’ll forgive you. This time.
We had another great week in Dumbass News with some stories that other bloggers are too stoopid, or too smart, to post. Along with my pithy commentary and liberal use of vulgar language, we gave the internet an enema flushing out all the shit that was worth a damn. For example:
- On Monday we had a touching love story of a pervert and his one true love – a plastic swimming raft.
- Tuesday bought us one of the weirdest stories that we’ve ever published on Dumbass News. And it took place just down the road in South Berwick, Maine.
- We also had the tale of a guy who stole some live lobsters and stuffed them in his pants! No word yet on whether this dumbass still has his gazebos.
- I’ve been sick most of the week so I also reached out to the Wayback Time Machine to grab a couple of my personal favorites from last year. we learned of one Italian town’s plans to rid the area of hookers by, get this, cutting down the forest! Another good one invlolves a guy who was lost on an island for five days before finding out he could have used his cell phone to call for help.
Rest assured that next week will bring us more dumbass stories as only a true Dumbass like me can present to the world. Until then…adios!