Category: Weird Laws

Election Results: More Dumbass Laws!

BEST OF DUMBASS NEWS!
Any reasonable Dumbass would come to the conclusion that considering the clusterfuck known as the Obama Administration and some of the stoopid shit they’ve rammed through Congress (ObamaCare, anyone?), that the citizens of this fine country have had enough in the way of crappy laws to last them several lifetimes. I know I have.

This is not the case. however, in many states throughout the Land. July 1 ushered in all kinds of stoopid-idity in places as diverse as Utah and Cal-ee-forn-ya.

Yes, friends, Teh Stoopid rolls on unabated.

Civic-minded Fearless Leader that I am, I have put to use my World Renown Google Fu and have come up with some dandy new laws that went into effect on the first day of this month. When you read about this insanity, you’ll be glad that it wasn’t you with mad Google skillz. As it is, for me at least, a well placed grappling hook up my ass would be much less painful than what I put myself through discovering these new edicts from our Elected Dumbasses. Let it never be said that I ain’t a Fearless Leader who is unwilling to take one for the team.

You can thank me by hitting the PayPal button and throwin’ a little cheese my way. It’s OK to do that. Really. Nothing soothes the excruciating pain of said grappling hook up said ass like a little cash flow.


Here We Go

You’d expect a place like Cal-ee-forn-ya to come up with some dumb shit when it comes to making new laws. That’s just what they do out there. All I can figure is that it must be in the water. Or it’s that putrid smell emanating from Sacramento that makes the people weird.

The Golden State, along with neighboring Oregon, has made it illegal to sell, trade or distribute shark fins. I understand the reasoning behind this new law, but will it really do anything to curtail the use of shark fins for soups and other stuff? I have a gut feeling that the large Asian population in Cal-ee-forn-ya will “overlook” this new mandate. Sharks fins have been used for thousands of years in Asian stuff like shark fin soup and dry cleaning detergents. OK, I made the dry cleaning soap thing up. I just wanted to see how many people of the Asian Persuasion I could get pissed off.

Also in The Land of Fruits and Nuts, you now have to have a prescription for formerly over the counter medications containing dextromethorphan. That means adios to OTC cough syrups, Nyquil and Dimetapp. The reason behind this new law? Too many Cal-ee-forn-yans are using OTC cough medicine as recreational drugs! Lemme get this straight. In many cities in Cali you can go into a place and buy a “medicinal” blunt, but you now have to have a script from your physician to get Robitussin? That makes perfect sense. <wink>

One other thing that the Commies in Cal-ee-forn-ya put on the books is a law that mandates that public schools teach Homo History. Now, I’m not sure if that means teaching about famous homos in history, like Alexander the Prissy Great or Rock Hudson or does it mean that homos have their own history that non-homos don’t know about? I’m confused. And so are the homos, I think.

Moving Right Along…

The Nation’s First State, Delaware, passed into law a deal that will allow civil unions or domestic partnerships while at the same time clarifying that marriage is between one man and one woman. say what? This seems to me to be akin to banning chocolate milk, but allowing the continued sale of milk and chocolate syrup separately. Why is it that everything dealing with homos is so damned vague?

In Utah, legislation became law essentially banning Happy Hour. In other words, bars can’t have special drink prices for a specified time period during their hours of operation. And I thought the Elected Dicks in Cal-ee-forn-ya were Dumbasses. I am almost 100% certain that bar owners in Utah would never defy this “ban on Happy Hour” by having drink specials all day long! When we’ve lost Utah…

In Illinois, animal shelters and the like will now have to do a more thorough examination of animals when trying to locate an ID chip in the pets. This new due diligence involves, get. ready. for. this.- looking for collars and/or tags that may help ID the pet and its owners!

My personal favorite is the new law in New York State that makes it a crime to sell or possess bear gall bladders. The passage of this new law will however put in dent in y social life. I can’t tell you the number of times in the past few weeks alone, that I have said to Mrs. Fearless Leader, “Honey, I sure would enjoy a road trip to New York State so we could enjoy some good old fashioned bear gall bladders.” I suppose I’ll have to get my bear gall bladders somewhere else now.

Like on the Internet.

From Cal-ee-forn-ya.

Dumbasses.

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Swedish Dumbass Likes Sheep! A LOT!!!

Before I even get going I am gonna give “credit” to the HuffPuffingtonLibWeeniePost for this story, it was too good to pass up. It’s pretty damn disgusting, so read further at your own peril.

I begin by saying that I am an animal lover. I like cats, dogs, squirrels, rabbits, pigs and so on and so forth. I also like cows – medium rare please. I just threw in that last part to piss off PETA and whatever other pussy animals rights organizations happen to read Dumbass News, especially after yesterday’s post about the fallow dear and the animals rights Dumbasses.

I have had pets that I genuinely loved just like a member of the family. Ginger, my cocker spaniel when I was about 5 years old. Or Cuatro, my buddy bud bud in the early 90s. More recently, Clyde the Cat. Poor Clyde tried to challenge a big ass Buick traveling at 45 mph. The big ass Buick won that fight.

I do, however, have limits as to how familial I treat animals. I prefer that an animal treat me. Treat me to dinner that is. T-bone or a chili cheeseburger sounds good to me. Simply said, I will blow a critter to smithereens if it will feed me and my family. Suck on that PETA.

Things Are Different in Sweden

There’s this funky old bastard in Sweden who “likes” wildlife to a fault. He likes them a lot, if you know what I mean and I think you do. His personal beast of choice is sheep.

Scandi Girlfriend w/ Swen’s Baby

Let me splain.

Some Scandi Dumbass who works at a farm was cruisin’ through the property when he noticed something unusual – an Old Guy standing behind a sheep – with his pants down – to his ankles. The Old Dumbass was apparently “having his way” with said sheep. The sheep could be overheard saying something, possibly
“Oooooohhh, Big Daa-aaa-aaa-dddyy”. But that is just a rumor.

You won’t believe this shit unless I quote directly from the HuffPo story: The witness said the alleged sheep rapist bound the sheep’s back legs together to make it easier to commit the act, The Local reported.
It is unknown whether the sheep was injured during the act, which could be crucial to any arrest.
Sweden decriminalized sex with animals in 1944, but perpetrators can be tried for animal cruelty if the animal is deemed to have sustained injury.
Meanwhile, the suspect remains on the lam, but could be facing a more serious problem than just being arrested.
A study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine last November found that men who have had sex with animals were twice as likely to develop penile cancer as those who stick with their own species. 

Does that mean that the President of the United States might have dick cancer? After all, he’s been fucking a wookie for two decades or so now. I’m just askin’.


What to Do Here?

I could take this story in a hundred different directions at this point, but any of those would be sickening even for this blog! I mean I could:

  • Make some seriously funny, albeit very vulgar jokes about wool and female genitalia, but I won’t.
  • I could even go so far as to inject a racial component into my observations, like Richard Pryor would, but I won’t.
  • Ask what do you get when you cross a Scandi with a sheep…., but I won’t.

See what I mean? I will, though, go this far: curly headed Swedish kids are living proof that Scandi men fuck woolly sheep. I know this to be true because a curly headed Scandi kids first word is “daa-aa-aa-aa-dy”. I’m just sayin’.

Dumbasses.

The Newest Dumbass Laws in America!

Any reasonable Dumbass would come to the conclusion that considering the clusterfuck known as the Obama Administration and some of the stoopid shit they’ve rammed through Congress (ObamaCare, anyone?), that the citizens of this fine country have had enough in the way of crappy laws to last them several lifetimes. I know I have.

This is not the case. however, in many states throughout the Land. July 1 ushered in all kinds of stoopid-idity in places as diverse as Utah and Cal-ee-forn-ya.

Yes, friends, Teh Stoopid rolls on unabated.

Civic-minded Fearless Leader that I am, I have put to use my World Renown Google Fu and have come up with some dandy new laws that went into effect on the first day of this month. When you read about this insanity, you’ll be glad that it wasn’t you with mad Google skillz. As it is, for me at least, a well placed grappling hook up my ass would be much less painful than what I put myself through discovering these new edicts from our Elected Dumbasses. Let it never be said that I ain’t a Fearless Leader who is unwilling to take one for the team.

You can thank me by hitting the PayPal button and throwin’ a little cheese my way. It’s OK to do that. Really. Nothing soothes the excruciating pain of said grappling hook up said ass like a little cash flow.


Here We Go

You’d expect a place like Cal-ee-forn-ya to come up with some dumb shit when it comes to making new laws. That’s just what they do out there. All I can figure is that it must be in the water. Or it’s that putrid smell emanating from Sacramento that makes the people weird.

The Golden State, along with neighboring Oregon, has made it illegal to sell, trade or distribute shark fins. I understand the reasoning behind this new law, but will it really do anything to curtail the use of shark fins for soups and other stuff? I have a gut feeling that the large Asian population in Cal-ee-forn-ya will “overlook” this new mandate. Sharks fins have been used for thousands of years in Asian stuff like shark fin soup and dry cleaning detergents. OK, I made the dry cleaning soap thing up. I just wanted to see how many people of the Asian Persuasion I could get pissed off.

Also in The Land of Fruits and Nuts, you now have to have a prescription for formerly over the counter medications containing dextromethorphan. That means adios to OTC cough syrups, Nyquil and Dimetapp. The reason behind this new law? Too many Cal-ee-forn-yans are using OTC cough medicine as recreational drugs! Lemme get this straight. In many cities in Cali you can go into a place and buy a “medicinal” blunt, but you now have to have a script from your physician to get Robitussin? That makes perfect sense. <wink>

One other thing that the Commies in Cal-ee-forn-ya put on the books is a law that mandates that public schools teach Homo History. Now, I’m not sure if that means teaching about famous homos in history, like Alexander the Prissy Great or Rock Hudson or does it mean that homos have their own history that non-homos don’t know about? I’m confused. And so are the homos, I think.

Moving Right Along…

The Nation’s First State, Delaware, passed into law a deal that will allow civil unions or domestic partnerships while at the same time clarifying that marriage is between one man and one woman. say what? This seems to me to be akin to banning chocolate milk, but allowing the continued sale of milk and chocolate syrup separately. Why is it that everything dealing with homos is so damned vague?

In Utah, legislation became law essentially banning Happy Hour. In other words, bars can’t have special drink prices for a specified time period during their hours of operation. And I thought the Elected Dicks in Cal-ee-forn-ya were Dumbasses. I am almost 100% certain that bar owners in Utah would never defy this “ban on Happy Hour” by having drink specials all day long! When we’ve lost Utah…

In Illinois, animal shelters and the like will now have to do a more thorough examination of animals when trying to locate an ID chip in the pets. This new due diligence involves, get. ready. for. this.- looking for collars and/or tags that may help ID the pet and its owners!

My personal favorite is the new law in New York State that makes it a crime to sell or possess bear gall bladders. The passage of this new law will however put in dent in y social life. I can’t tell you the number of times in the past few weeks alone, that I have said to Mrs. Fearless Leader, “Honey, I sure would enjoy a road trip to New York State so we could enjoy some good old fashioned bear gall bladders.” I suppose I’ll have to get my bear gall bladders somewhere else now.

Like on the Internet.

From Cal-ee-forn-ya.

Dumbasses.

Dumbass Laws, Part 5

I think that posting about dumbass laws today is a great and appropriate idea, considering this is Election Day in the USA. For our readers outside the United States, I have some thoughts on this Election Day on my other blog, Three States Plus One. Check that out and let me know what you think in the comment section on Three States Plus One. Anyway, back to dumbass laws. Over the last 4 years since the Democrats took control of both houses of Congress, they have passed several dumbass laws that affect all Americans and, believe it not, the rest of the world. Obama Care and that clusterfuck known as the “stimulus” package are two examples of dumbass laws enacted by the current Congress. On the local level, the dumbass laws on the books do not have the scope of damage that the Federal laws do, there are still some doozies out there all across the Fruited Plain. So, let’s find them and ridicule them accordingly, shall we?

Massachusetts – It is illegal for a man to wear a goatee without a license.
DN – Where to start? Let’s start with Barney Frank. Is it legal for ol’ Barney Boy to have someone’s gazebos (balls) slapped across his chin without a license? Just askin’.

Michigan – This is a good one. In Clawson, it is allowed by law for a “farmer to sleep with his pigs, cows, horses, goats and chickens”.
DN – I hear that this particular ordinance is quite the rage in Dearbornistan, except for the pigs of course, but the goats and cows are all the rage there, if you know what I mean and I think you do.

Minnesota – Women can be sentenced to 30 days in jail for impersonating Santa Claus.
DN – I have been to Minnesota and I’ve got to tell you, the women there are perfect to play Santa Claus. They (the women of Minnesota) have the right body build and the beards to match. Just sayin’.

Mississippi – The law: It is still legal to kill one’s servant.
DN – No wonder Mississippi leads the nation in widows per 100,000 people. Think about it.

Missouri – In Saco, MO, it is against the law for women to wear hats that might frighten timid persons, children or animals.
DN – Hats, schmats. What if the broad is fugly enough to make a freight train take a dirt road? That ought to be illegal. Hats come and go, but fugly is forever.

There you have it. An election day reminder that not all dumbasses live in Washington, D.C.So, America, get off your ass and go vote out a dumbass today. Your country depends on you.