Category: White Castle

Infected Fearless Leader and a Fat Guy Sues White Castle Burgers

I have contracted an incurable disease normally found only in the deepest darkest jungles of the Amazon Basin. OK, I made that up. I have, however, come up with a dandy case of The Crud. My wife has been sick for a few weeks and she was nice enough to pass The Crud on to me. I’d like to thank her for that, but I can’t. I’d like to call her names too for making me sick, but she’d just beat me up, so I think I’ll just suffer through whatever The Crud brings me. I hope to be back tomorrow. In the meantime, here’s a story I wrote back in September I think you’ll like 


Toby
Fearless, But Infirm Leader of the Dumbass Horde
 There’s a fat guy in Nanuet, New York that does fat people everywhere a disservice by being a complete and utter dumbass. Said fat guy weighs 290 pounds and he’s all pissed of at a local White Castle burger joint. You see where this is going? Anyway, Fat Guy is suing the White Castle because, wait. for. it., the seats in the place are too small and fail to meet standards set forth in the Americans With Disabilities Act. Fat Guy first complained about the too small seats a couple of years ago and the company responded by promising to install bigger seats and sending him some coupons for, get this, three free White Castle burgers! Lemme get this straight. A fat guy is suing you because the booths in your restaurant are too small and you send him coupons for free burgers? Earth to White Castle…

Where to begin? Let’s start with the ADA. It’s a steaming pile of gubmint intervention into business. But that’s a discussion for another time. Fat Guy is suing White Castle because of the small seats in their establishment. I wonder if Fat Guy ever thought that maybe he’s a tub of lard because he eats too often at White Castle??!! And McDonalds. And Fat Burgers. Eat some fucking yogurt dumbass! Fast food, when consumed by the 55 gallon drum, will make you look like a hot air balloon. And you have the balls to sue White Castle because the seats are too small? Maybe they should sue you for crushing their seats like a rotten tomato by slapping your fat ass down on them. Oh wait! I almost forgot, Fat Guy says that he wants bigger seats so he  can “sit down like a normal person”. Then quit eating White Castle burgers like they are siphoned through a beer bong. Good Gawd, man! You don’t need bigger seats, you need to lose two of your asses, dipshit. Try Subway for cryin’ out loud. Until then, shut the fuck up. And have another cheeseburger.

Dumbass.

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Christmas and Kids: A Dumbass Primer

The Dummy Award

T minus 15 days til you-know-what and I can feel the tension and despair setting in in Dumbassville. As your Fearless Leader Head Dumbass and Mayor of  the Big D, I urge patience and calm during the next couple of weeks. Chaos and anarchy will not stand in Dumbassville! I say to you, fellow Dumbassvillains, look forward to the smiles that will practically be painted on children’s faces. And that’s exactly what we do here at the Dumbass Dome. We paint a smile on our kids’ faces because they, like all kids, are ungrateful little fuckers so happy to get all the loot they do. I mean who wouldn’t be? I’d shit my pants if some fat guy in a red suit left me a new Corvette on Christmas Eve.

Final Thoughts
In closing let me say, love your children now for they grow up not fast enough too fast. Thank God! When my young ones (9 & 4) reach the age of eighteen, their now legally-an-adult asses are gone! By the time that happens I’ll be 65 years old and it’s only right that they start buyin’ shit for me! Like a new HoverRound I can take to the Grand Canyon like those two old bitties in the TV commercial. After all, I am leaving them a legacy few Fathers can pass on to their kids. The Legacy of Dumbnass.

Merry Christmas….I gottta go shopping.

Dumbasses.

Here’s some crap for you to read for today. That is if you can read. I don’t put up pretty pictures. So put your Public School Education to use. Your parents paid good money (taxes) for you to grow up to be a Dumbass.

That’s quite a collection of Dumbass Literary Masterpieces for your reading pleasure, but it is an honor, nay, my duty(!), to use the prose of Shakespeare, the drama of Hitchcock and mental illness to make you aware of what’s going on in this cold, cruel world.

Adios.

Dumbasses.

    Fat Guy Sues White Castle, Changes Mind and Eats It Instead

    This is one of those stories that will invoke rage amongst some of my readers. That is not the intent of the story, but some of you will take it the wrong way. Tough shit, I say! Let me splain.

    There’s a fat guy in Nanuet, New York that does fat people everywhere a disservice by being a complete and utter dumbass. Said fat guy weighs 290 pounds and he’s all pissed of at a local White Castle burger joint. You see where this is going? Anyway, Fat guy is suing the White Castle because, wait. fir. it., the seats in the place are too small and fail to meet standards set forth in the Americans With Disabilities Act. Fat Guy first complained about the too small seats a couple of years ago and the company responded by promising to install bigger seats and sending him some coupons for, get this, three free White Castle burgers! Lemme get this straight. A fat guy is suing you because the booths in your restaurant are too small and you send him coupons for free burgers? Earth to White Castle…

    Where to begin? Let’s start with the ADA. It’s a steaming pile of gubmint intervention into business. But that’s a discussion for another time. Fat Guy is suing White Castle because of the small seats in their establishment. I wonder if Fat Guy ever thought that maybe he’s a tub of lard because he eats too often at White Castle??!! And McDonalds. And Fat Burgers. Eat some fucking yogurt dumbass! Fast food, when consumed by the 55 gallon drum, will make you look like a hot air balloon. And you have the balls to sue White Castle because the seats are too small? Maybe they should sue you for crushing their seats like a rotten tomato by slapping your fat ass down on them. Oh wait! I almost forgot, Fat Guy says that he wants bigger seats so he  can “sit down like a normal person”. Then quit eating White Castle burgers like they are siphoned through a beer bong. Good Gawd, man! You don’t need bigger seats, you need to lose two of your asses, dipshit. Try Subway for cryin’ out loud. Until then, shut the fuck up. And have another cheeseburger.

    Dumbass.