Today Dumbass News has reached a milestone. The post previous to this one with the poll on whether I should start a Dumbass YouTube Channel was the 600th in this blog’s almost two year history! It’s hard for me to believe that I have stuck around this long. What’s even more amazing is that you are still around to read this crap.That says a lot about your character, you know. And it ain’t good. Dumbass.I am sure your mental health professional is not too happy about that. Screw ’em. They are deranged enough to be making a living off dealing with Dumbasses every day, so what does that say about them?
Checkmate and pass the Lithium.
I thought that an occasion as monumental as this one should be properly recognized and feted. So, I went through the blog archives and pulled some of my personal favorite Dumbss News stories from the first 600.
Here are those posts, in no particular order.
- White Trash Shopping Spree – This was our first “big” post garnering all of eighty-three (83) views! The Dumbass in the story is doing a little dumpster diving when the sanitation company that owns the dumpster shows up in a garbage truck. Hilarity ensues.
- Tattoos Are Forever, Dumbass – This story was posted on October 1, 2010 when Dumbass News was less than two weeks old. I still get people stopping by to read it. True Dumbasses. I love ’em. It’s about a guy who gets a radio station’s logo tattooed to his forehead! It was a prank by the DJ. Bonus Dumbassery: Not long after this adventure, the radio station changed call letters!
- Boobs – Nature’s Sweater Puppies – Boobs bring eyeballs to the blog.
- Robbed While Buying Pot, Dumbass Calls Police – Another biggie.
- More recent favorites include: Strippers Help LA Little League! Almost, Boobs for Beer, Duct Tape & Nekkid Driving, A Female Dumbass With a WiFi Fetish, anything from the pat month and stuff with the words boobs, pot and nekkid in the title.
Picking out favorite Dumbass News stories is a lot like picking out your favorite kid in the family. Each is unique and you love them all equally but in a different way.
You have 600 of ’em to choose from, so search the archives till dumbassery leaks from your eye ball sockets. You’ll thank me later.
But, I thank you now. All of you in the 137 countries around the globe who spend your valuable time reading Dumbass News.Your support has been amazing and much appreciated. Just short of 70,000 page views as of today, I am a humbled Fearless Leader.
Finding material for this website is like taking candy from a baby. It’s too easy. There are dumbasses in every corner of the planet. For instance, take Alliance, Ohio, PLEASE! Hahahaha See? I am a dumbass, too. Now back to Alliance, Ohio. Not again! I am on a roll here. hahahaha I’ll be here all week. Anyway…in Alliance, Ohio, a guy decides a nice evening of dumpster diving is in order. Maybe he had some last minute anniversary shopping to do and he was trying to get the perfect gift for his wife the easy way. By stealing. From a dumpster. In the middle of the night. From this information alone, I can deduce that the perpetrator, James Brienzo, is a dumbass. The act of dumpster diving alone is not an indictment of being a dumbass. It’s when you are dumpster diving and the sanitation company makes its nightly rounds to empty the dumpster and you are still in the dumpster that qualifies you as a dumbass. That’s what happened to our boy James. In the middle of his late night White Trash Shopping Spree, James was somewhere in the day old donuts section when whirrrrrrr clllaaaannggg brrrrrrrrrruuuuuppp suddenly he ends up in the business end of the sanitation truck! But James, like a Boy Scout, is prepared. He has a cell phone! James calls a friend who, in turn, calls the heat. The heat locate the refuse truck that James is in through a GPS. Technology is the shit! The law gets to the truck and are unable to extricate James so, wait.for.it….they order the truck to the nearest dump, where James, along with the anniversary gift he was looking for, was dumped into the landfill and freed! He’s in critical condition at local hospital, but the poor bastard is free. I have a suggestion for James and the rest of you who are considering a White Trash Shopping Spree in the middle of the night, Wal Mart is open 24 hours a day! Give it a try. Dumbass.
**Photo from whitetrashwarehouse.com**