Best of Dumbass News
Grocery shoppers in Little Rock BEWARE! There’s a guy who could be in your local Kroger store pissing all over the Pilgrim’s Pride or Tyson chicken! What this dumbass has in mind by pissing on the chicken, I don’t know. But, I am relieved to know that he bypassed the T-bone steaks. If the dude had peed on the T-bones, I would become a vegetarian on the spot. Pissing on the yard bird, not so much. Anyway…
This dumbass went to a Kroger store (Kroger is a large grocery store company – ed.) in Little Rock as decided that he would “marinate” the yard birds with his tinkle. I know you’ll find this difficult to believe, but the dumbass was drunk! The Little Rock police got a call from Kroger’s saying that a man was being “verbally aggressive” with some of the employees. But, before the Law could get there the dumbass peed on over $500 worth of chicken. He also ate a large package of ham. I happen to know that the good people of Little Rock love their hogs, ooooooooooohhhhhhh pig soooooooo-eeeeeeeeeyyyyyyy! A little football lingo there.
So…the dumbass pisses on over $500 worth of chicken, eats a large package of ham and gets verbally aggressive with store employees. Enter the LRPD who quickly subdue the drunk dumbass and prepare to haul his ass to jail. Upon confronting the dumbass suspect, the police made this brilliant observation, “he was reported by officers to have been unsteady on his feet, smelled of alcohol and had bloodshot eyes when they arrived on the scene.” What was their first clue? The cops left out the fact that the dumbass smelled of pig. Our dumbass was “charged with public intoxication, theft of property, and criminal mischief.” Criminal mischief? Does that mean he pissed all over the chicken? I really got nothin’ today, but I do hope that pissing on the yard bird isn’t one of the “special seasonings” in KFC. If it is, the dumbass and I gotta have a loooooooooonnnngggg talk. Not only is he pissing on my chicken, he’s breathing my air.