Category: Yard Stick

Dumbass Orders from Mom

Now in Three Pieces

Tomorrow night is Christmas Eve, as you have been reminded no less than 16 gazillion reptilian million times. I have heard the word “Christmas” so many times this week that I am growing mistletoe out of my ears.

Reprimanded by Mom 

A few weeks ago, I got an email from my Mom asking me to cut back on the cussin’. A couple of hours ago, I received the dreaded second email from Mom“asking” me to watch my potty mouth. A second email is the sure sign of me getting my ass kicked by a 5 foot nothin’, 73 year old little old lady. Even in my advancing years, I can still see the yard stick she broke three times on my tiny hiney when I was about 11 years old. When she broke it the first time, it was pretty funny but I kept a proper face for getting your ass beat. The second time it broke in half, not so much. The third time, I was laughing so hard I almost pissed myself, she was furious as hell with look of Satan in her eyes, standing there in the driveway holding about 10 inches of what was a 3 foot yard stick just moments earlier. She never spanked me again.

The Story Was Told for a Reason

Actually there are several reason for telling that story. If I can remember all of them I’ll fill you in.

  •  1). She is my Mom When she says something, I’d better listen good. I do. 
  • 2) She is my Mom (Part 2) – She can still kick my ass.
  • 3) Mom is NEVER wrong –  I wouldn’t tell my Mother that she is wrong even if she called a Bengal tiger a butterfly. I’d just say, “Yes, ma’am” and leave it be.

Still Cussin’

Don’t worry fellow Dumbasses, I will continue to use my usual vocabulary while writing my always prize worthy posts, just not as much, asswipes. It’s for Mom. She reads this blog ya know. And now she owns a metal yard stick.

Dumbasses.

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